Last updated on Jun 10th, 2021 at 04:08 pm

Agony Aunt Annie gives advice to a reader whose new partner doesn’t want her children to live with them.

Dear Annie

I have a problem with my daughter and my ex husband. I have been divorced from her father for four years now. He is remarried and she goes to him every second weekend as well as every Wednesday night.

My other two children have a different father. He has custody of them and I take them in the holidays.

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This was working fine but my life has changed now

I am in a relationship with a man and I am expecting his child. The problem is that he was in a previous relationship when he started seeing me.

He had two childen with that woman. He was not having an easy time with her, as the older child was very difficult and the toddler was very demanding and the mother forgot all about him and just seemed to care about her children. He felt that all he was good for was to pay bills.

He really loves me and he is happy that I am pregnant, especially because it is a boy and he already has girls. He wants to move in with me and help me raise our baby.

The only problem is that he doesn’t want all my other children to live with us as well.

He is happy for them to come visit but he says that they must live with their fathers. Two already do, but he says the holidays are too long to have them come and stay, especially now that I am going to be having a baby.

My daughter does not get on with my boyfriend at all, but she says that she is not going to be thrown out of her home. Her father also says that he can’t make a bigger commitment because he also needs to consider his new family.

I have sacrificed to raise her most of the time and I think he should not be putting his new family ahead of his own daughter.

This is my chance at some security and happiness

If my boyfriend moves in, he has already said that I can stop working and stay home to look afer the baby. What should I do? Surely I deserve to be happy too?

Ebony

Dear Ebony

Thank for your letter. You are expecting your fourth child. Those pregnancy hormones can reek havoc with your body. (Apparently with your brain too by the sound of things.)

In fact, that degree of hormone imbalance may account for the recent floodings and droughts that we have been experiencing.

I understand that being a single mother is tough

You have not seen your toes in months and you are exhausted. The thought of wearing pyjamas all day long may be really appealing to you. Let someone else go out and bring home the bacon for a change.

It sounds like, up until now, you have been getting up every day and you have brought home a little more than just the bacon. You are now considering moving the whole pig in with you.

It sounds like, up until now, you have been getting up every day and you have brought home a little more than just the bacon. You are now considering moving the whole pig in with you

You are wanting your daughter’s father to take more responsibility for her

From what you say, he has been fulfilling his fatherly role. Are you wanting him to play both father and mother role?

Your other children already live with their dad in the term and with you in the holidays. That is an average of forty weeks with him and twelve with you. Now your boyfriend is suggesting that their time with you should be shorter.

Next time he goes to a movie, he should be sent home after the previews. He should be forced to leave the drive through after he has placed his order. If you are his date, you’re leaving with him. He is the guy that the monopoly move “Do not pass GO, do not collect R200” was invented for.

You are wanting to ditch your already hatched family, and start playing mommies and daddies all over again. It’s like adopting a puppy and ditching him when he’s not cute anymore. The SPCA won’t let you have a puppy: never mind qualify for having more children!

Your new boyfriend seems very concerned about you not growing too tired. He is also to be commended for the confidence of the role he expects fathers to play. It is about time men stepped up to the plate when it comes to child raising. I assume that he is intending on bringing his other two children to live with you too?

You are wanting to ditch your already hatched family, and start playing mommies and daddies all over again. It’s like adopting a puppy and ditching him when he’s not cute anymore

It may be a good time to chat to an organisation like FAMSA for advice and guidance so that both you and your children can be supported.

I am sure that you have beautiful children!
Love and blessings
Annie