Agony Aunt Annie offers advice to a husband who doesn’t understand why his wife – who is at home all day – doesn’t give him time to unwind when he gets home …
Dear Agony Aunt
My wife thinks I don’t love her! She’s crazy. It’s not like I don’t ever say it. And I don’t want to wear out the phrase, so I say it when it’s meaningful.
More importantly, I do things for her to show her I love her – even when I don’t feel like it! I make her coffee in the morning and tea in the evening. I buy her the occasional little gift – something I’m pretty sure she likes.
She accused me of not caring about her one evening when I got home from work, because I went straight to my study after saying ‘Hi’. I think she was trying to show me something… or something. Or maybe my daughter was.
Anyway, can’t she give me half an hour to unwind?
I mean, doesn’t she understand how stressful it is out there? She’s all comfy cosy at home with our little girl. The other baby isn’t even born yet, so it’s not like she’s super busy.
I don’t know. Maybe her hormones are playing up, or maybe the maid’s been off sick or something.
Can you help?
From Stressed Breadwinner
Dear Stressed Breadwinner
Thank you for taking the time to write this letter. Hopefully you wife has already served your home-cooked meal and is washing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen. I’m also assuming that she has already bathed and put your toddler to bed.
You’re out working hard all day. I totally get that you need time to unwind. Who needs to hear frivolous woman talk after a hard day? Toddler conversation topics seldom cover world events… Unless pooping on the potty counts, (that is kind of like South African politics) but really, who needs to hear that toilet talk? Maybe she wanted to show you a drawing. You know by now, seen one, seen them all.
What’s with your wife anyway? She probably just lies around all day watching TV series, right? I mean, how hard can it be watching a toddler? You could easily do that, right?
Ok, so they need meals and snacks, seemingly constantly. Easy. Marmite sandwich and you’re good to go. Ahh… No dude, you can’t just cut it any way. Remake. Oops, dog licked that one. Remake. Ok, remember how you cut it the first time? That’s changed now and if you dont get it right, and quickly, the neighbours four doors down are going to call child welfare.
Sandwich sorted. Now throw some juice in the bottle and series binge can begin. No, not that bottle. No not that one either. This one…
Just quickly upturn every bed in the house, look in the kennel, the toy box and the bath toys… Keep going, that lid has to be somewhere.
Ok. All sorted. Oops. Potty call. Come on, that’s the quickest you can get the pants down and potty positioned? Ok, you may want to work on that. I suggest at this point you hit the shower… Wet wipes were not built for that kind of industry-sized leakage.
Easy with that bathroom freshening spray. I know it probably smells like you’re driving through Sewerageville, where you now live, but half a can is excessive.
Cue series… I know you’ve just got past the intro but little darling needs a snack. Might as well start washing that koki off the wall on your way to the kitchen.
Snack sorted and darling settled with her toys.
You will be amazed at how far Marmite actually spreads when you take it from room to room – oops, seems she got hold of it off the counter…
By the time you arrive home to your frazzled wife, she has probably used up her 3 024 toddler words and is probably relishing stringing together a long sentence in the earshot of another adult
Although your wife is spending a lot of energy growing a human being in her body, taking care of your toddler in addition to that, is not her only task. That dinner is not going to buy, peel and cook itself.
By the time you arrive home to your frazzled wife, she has probably used up her 3024 toddler words and is probably relishing stringing together a long sentence in the earshot of another adult.
Listen to what your wife wants: more of you! Is that such bad thing?
Why don’t you clean the kitchen tonight while she soaks in a hot bath and ask her about her day when you take her her tea?
She’s doing a good job taking care of the home and in doing so, freeing you to concentrate on your work. Let her know that you see this.
I suggest you try wearing out that little phrase – let me know if your wife ever grows tired of hearing it!
You are beautiful (clueless, but beautiful)
Love and blessings