Despair not if you are overweight and embarking on the dreaded diet. Here are some hysterical measures to cheat the dial on your scale:
FAT = Fabulous and Terrific! Would it not be great if this could be the general interpretation of the word? Alas, society thinks differently, and we have become increasingly affected by the stigma attached.
Okay, so you feel a wee bit uncomfortable, your shoes pinch unbearably after thirty seconds of huffing and puffing along. You indulge in a luxurious bath, linger a few seconds after you pull the plug and wait for the fragrant water to drain away. Sadly, ample thighs and bulges create a build-up of water, just about knocking you through the wall when you get up. Depressing.
Other niggly problems surface in your life. Your bath has developed stretch marks and your favourite earrings have somehow shrunk … making your earlobes resemble voluptuous grapes. Eeeeeek! We finally accept that a challenge is to be met. We stuff ourselves (just one last time for courage!) and embark on the four letter word – DIET!
However, do not despair. Tips are at hand to transform the dreaded scale forever into being an asset in your lives!
Here are a few tips to make that dial drop drastically:
Of course, all hysterical measures to be taken with a pinch of salt (except that salt is a no-no)!
Never, but Never weigh yourself after a bath. Your pores are probably water-logged, adding litres of moisture.
Remove every scrap of make-up before a weigh-in; that mascara is heavier than you think!
Shave legs, armpits and pubic hair vigorously. It will possibly reduce your weight by a few grams.
Avoid freckles: all that extra sunshine must surely show on the scale.
Have a daily haircut, especially if you have heavy hair. (Baldness a distinct advantage here.)
Cultivate wrinkles. Have you ever seen a fat wrinkle?
Cut toe nails, finger nails and remove polish.
Remove all jewellery.
Do NOT perspire: once again – added moisture problem.
Avoid tooth fillings. Imagine what all that metal weighs. If you have dentures, remove them!
Do aerobics – so that you can confidently lean to the left of the scale without crashing through the floor.
Dust your scale carefully. Why should all that dust be calculated in with your mass?
Give blood. Insist on them taking at least two litres.
Be anxious. A dry mouth doesn’t have all that extra saliva.
Don’t eat for three days before approaching that scale. You can always binge for three days afterwards.
These tips are designed to create a LIGHTNESS of spirit for us kilojoule-conscious dieters. But if all else fails, remember that we can always be like a good wine – ‘Full bodied and delightful!’