Agony Aunt Annie offers advice to a reader who is engaged to a kind man – problem is he’s Mr Irresponsible …
Please can you advise me. I actually feel a little selfish writing because I do have love, and I know that a lot of girls don’t and would really like to be in a relationship.
I have a fiancé who is a kind man. We met six years ago and we have been engaged for four. I have a ten-year-old daughter from a previous relationship and he has a five-year-old son from a previous relationship too.
He was working for his father but decided to branch off on his own as he didn’t like having a boss. That didn’t really work out and he started something together with his friend.
A third partner invested some money into the business and my fiancé decided to buy himself a car even though they had not started making a proper turnover yet.
Now that business has dissolved and the other partners are demanding that he pay back the money he used to buy the car, which he is still driving. He has further money troubles as he borrowed a mate’s motorbike and got in an accident that he caused. He has still not settled this debt.
His ex has sued him for maintenance and he was paying, but now that his work is erratic he is finding this hard to do and she is threatening to have him arrested.
We broke up briefly a year ago because I was fed up with all the drama and not being able to just get on with our lives
In this time he got together with someone, and it now turns out that she fell pregnant! He swears that it could not possibly be his child, but how can he know that? She says that there was no one else and that it is his. Now there is talk of a paternity test when the child is old enough.
I love him but I just don’t know what to do anymore
It seems like we will never be able to be together. I am also thinking of my daughter and the lack of stability for her.
Her soccer coach is a sweet single man who is a good friend to us. He has been begging me to go out with him for years, which I never have because obviously I am engaged. Now I wonder if I should be thinking more seriously of making a different choice.
Or does love just go through the bad times, waiting for the good to come?
Thank you for your letter. Throw in a picture of your fiancé, complete with biker jacket and tattoos and I think that we could get him a place on the Jerry Springer Show.
It sounds like your fiancé is a spontaneous, fun man-of-the-moment kind of guy. Party now, think later.
Perhaps that was fun and exciting for you in the beginning. You may love the funfair and it can be a great place to visit. I am sure kids dream of living there! The reality is that the roller coaster will eventually lose its thrill and the constant noise and motion would drive you nuts.
Your fiancé has dreams of how to make money, preferably quickly, so that he can spend time at the funfair, not slogging away every day at a job, like the rest of the grown-ups
Your man seems to want to live at the funfair
He likes the constant activity and rides and is not so happy with the real life side of life. It’s great fun to poke some fun at a pretty girl. When she takes that poking seriously and falls pregnant, well, that ride’s ruined and best you head on over to the other side of the funfair. Just deny ever going on that previous ride if someone claims that you may have broken it and need to pay damages.
Your fiancé has dreams of how to make money, preferably quickly, so that he can spend time at the funfair, not slogging away every day at a job, like the rest of the grown-ups.
It would seem that you have different priorities and want to earn a living for yourself and your daughter with some fun on your down times. Perhaps Mr Soccer Coach is on that same page. I don’t think that he is going to be encouraging you to stop adulting to be with him.
Maybe you will always think fondly of holiday romances and wild romantic weekends but I think that you have realised that you want an all-year-round man as opposed to Mr Fun Guy.
You are not giving up because of a hard time – you have been engaged for four of the six years that you have been together and it seems that if this is a winter season, this man lives in Alaska.
You are beautiful!
Love and blessings