Infidelity of any kind can bring about wisdom and invaluable lessons to be learned

Who hasn’t been betrayed? After one partner is unfaithful, we just can’t imagine our next love interest remaining loyal. If our best friend deceives us, we begin to realise that all friends are capable of this sinister act. In this way, we program our minds to believe that betrayal is something we’ll just have to learn to live with.

But, infidelity of any kind can bring about wisdom and invaluable lessons to be learned. And we can take action to cleanse our spirit of the grim past and, in a sense, betray our own betrayal.

Betrayal leaves us at a fork in the road. We can choose to act in ways that either favour or impede personal growth: we can become stuck in a bad moment forever or we can put it behind us for good. We decide our path.

Act on my 10 steps to recover faith after betrayal…

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1. Erase the imprints of betrayal

Meditation can help to reach the root of former deception and jump-start the healing process. I recommend quietly meditating for a few minutes each day, digging into the contents of your brain and wiping out old memories or thought patterns that keep you stagnant.

Forgiving does not mean accepting the wrong behaviour of others; it means detaching from the pain, frustration, and bitterness buried within

2. Forgive

Forgiveness breaks us free like a ship dislodging from a dock; life is our open sea when we pardon the past. But as long as we harbour hatred or anger against others, personal progress is stifled.

Strive to forgive one person a day.

3. Throw betrayal away

I mean, literally throw it away! Try this exercise: write down on a piece of paper your worst case of betrayal. Capture the emotions, describe the terrible moment, and highlight the magnitude of the event. Get it out of your system, no matter how long ago it occurred. Then, fold this paper and get rid of it in a dramatic way. You can toss it into a dumpster, throw it into the ocean, burn it (in a safe way) or tear it into tiny bits and flush it down the toilet. I’m not encouraging you to litter the streets with letters of betrayal (or clog your plumbing), but I do want you to eliminate any traumatic traces by disposing of an object that holds your darkest emotions.

4. Rebuild faith slowly

Your faith wasn’t damaged in one day, so it can’t be rebuilt in such a short time. Like a puzzle, you have to start piecing your faith back slowly. At first, you might find it hard to trust anyone, but slowly and surely you’ll re-develop a sense of confidence in the good will of others. All you have to do is be willing to re-discover faith.

Your faith wasn’t damaged in one day, so it can’t be rebuilt in such a short time. Like a puzzle, you have to start piecing your faith back slowly

5. Find others who have faith

You’re not the only one who’s been betrayed, and you’re certainly not the only one who wants to regain faith in others. Surround yourself with a positive group of people on the same faithful path as you.

6. Regain faith in yourself

The first person you have to trust is yourself. Develop a deep, unbreakable bond with your outstanding abilities and your own self-vows. Make a new promise to yourself each month. Keep that promise and take small, daily steps until it becomes habit. Because if you can’t trust yourself, who can you trust?

7. Detach yourself from people you don’t trust

If you feel someone is not trustworthy, you don’t need them in your life. Be selective about the people you bring in for your own well-being. Choosing to cling to people who don’t inspire faith will only lead you to distrust everyone as a whole. Walk away from those you know are not right for you.

8. Don’t betray

Remember the phrase, ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you’? Never forget it! Whether you’ve been betrayed or not, don’t resort to betraying another. If you’re unhappy in your relationship, simply move on. But do not knowingly deceive or mislead someone else to satisfy your ego. Revenge only perpetuates bad karma and traps you in a cycle of recurring action.

Remember the phrase, do unto others as you would have them do unto you? Never forget it!

9. Control your emotions

Your emotions can be your best friend or your worst enemy…

In order to heal from betrayal and keep it from recurring in the future, you have to keep your emotions in check. If you obsess over something that happened in the past, you become stuck in that moment in time. But if you can think logically and understand the need to move forward, you can indeed master your emotions.

10. Take a leap of faith

Make a decision based on pure faith. Don’t over-analyse or think too much. Follow the voice of your intuition; this can mean leaving a job you feel isn’t right for you, moving to a new home if your gut keeps telling you to relocate, or even separating from your partner if you just know the relationship is wrong.

You will see that acting on faith rather than fear fosters better decisions.

A painstaking experience, betrayal is felt by all in time. But whether we remain trapped in the emotions of betrayal or we break through its barriers becomes our choice. Implement my 10 actions above to wipe away the negative effects of a former infidelity and restore your faith in both others and yourself

To connect with Dr. Carmen Harra on Facebook, click here. For more by Dr. Carmen Harra, click here. To visit Dr. Carmen Harra’s website, click here. For more on life lessons, click here.