ABOUT THE AUTHOR
A website for the modern millennial woman facing life in her twenties.
When you date a married man, everyone involved loses…
‘Dating a married man’ – 66 000 yearly searches on Google. ‘In love with a married man’ – 64 800 yearly searches on Google. This is for all the women searching. It’s for the woman looking for answers to a problem that will affect so much more than she could ever realise.
I know what you’re thinking. You believe you’re not responsible for the feelings and lives of people you don’t know. You’re thinking that if it makes you happy and makes him happy, then that’s what really matters.
You don’t have to be concerned with his wife.
She’s probably not really enough for him. She doesn’t bring to the table all the things that you do. She’s simply not desirable anymore, so her marriage failing won’t be because of you. If she were enough, he wouldn’t have come looking. This woman couldn’t understand what it’s like to be in your position. If she were anything like you, she would do the same.
That woman who you are disregarding and devaluing is just like you. That woman is pretty, intelligent, unique, and giving all she has to the man you’re callous enough to think she isn’t worthy of.
That woman is me.
I’m 21 but I’ve been married almost two years. And I know about you. I know about girls my age who are single and up for any adventure in sex and love. I know that if my husband searched for an affair, he wouldn’t have to look far. And it disgusts me. The selfishness of having a relationship with a man who has a wife at home baffles me.
Dating a married man is probably one of the worst decisions you could make. It’s not just about being a ‘homewrecker’. When you date a married man, everyone involved loses. The affair will only cause pain for you, him, his wife, and if applicable, his children. Everyone who knows him is going to suffer.
Dating a married man is probably one of the worst decisions you could make. It’s not just about being a ‘homewrecker’
Before you make the huge decision to ruin several lives, you need to consider all the ramifications of an affair:
Yes, this man is fully responsible for his actions. He is responsible for cheating and he is responsible for the pain it will inflict on his family. However, when a marriage is in trouble, it takes a community to support the couple. When a man goes searching for an extra-marital affair, it is in fact our duty to steer him away.
He’s going to tell you she’s awful. He’ll tell you the marriage is falling apart, that it’s beyond saving. He’ll try to make you believe that nothing you do could possibly be wrong. She deserves it, she should expect it and it’s really no big deal.
But it’s almost certainly not true.
And no matter how bad things are or how she might be acting, she is his wife. You have no right to intrude on that. Marriage is complicated. It’s never easy or perfect, but it’s the couple’s responsibility to keep their vows and work through their issues.
Marriage is complicated. It’s never easy or perfect, but it’s the couple’s responsibility to keep their vows and work through their issues
When you’re busy thinking about yourself and what you want, you probably forget the most innocent people in this situation. If this man has children, you are laying the foundation for a severed relationship between them and their father. This situation is usually un-repairable. His children will suffer through their parents’ divorce, they will see their mother hurt, they will lose their father, and their trust in him and understanding of who he is will forever be shattered.
His friends and family
When a marriage fails, it impacts so many people. The pain extends into the family and friends as they try to help the couple navigate their lives that have fallen apart. This man almost certainly has a network of supporters who are rooting for his marriage to succeed and for him to overcome the challenges that are inevitable to every marriage.
When you come and play the role of partner to this man, he also violates the trust those close to him have in him, and you will ultimately feel responsible for your part in that.
Marriage is not just a relationship. It’s a lifelong, legal, spiritually-binding commitment that you have zero right to intrude on, no matter who initiates the affair
Here’s the truth: he is not going to commit to you.
This relationship is not going to become some beautiful love story. It just isn’t. If he did leave his wife, you’d have to live with those repercussions. You’d have to live with the distress and heartbreak you’ve caused this woman and, God forbid, any children they brought into the world. If he chooses you, you’ll have to know that for a time, you were the ‘other woman’. You’ll have to live with the highly-likely possibility that he will do it again, to you, with another ‘other woman’.
You aren’t detached from the situation. It lives with you.
Even if his wife doesn’t fit your idea of perfection, it’s still not okay. Odds are that man isn’t out looking for something better. He’s looking for someone easier. He’s looking for less responsibility. I can almost promise you that as soon as the truth comes out, he’ll regret his choice and leave you to attempt to repair his relationship with the person he actually loves.
You won’t feel sorry for his “poor wife who can’t keep a man.” You’ll only feel ashamed that you allowed yourself to become the quick and easy option for the man who was obviously not enough for her. Marriage is not just a relationship. It’s a lifelong, legal, spiritually-binding commitment that you have zero right to intrude on, no matter who initiates the affair.
Is this man accountable for the affair? Absolutely. In fact, he’s more accountable than you are because it’s his relationship and family. He’s the one cheating, he’s the one breaking vows and he’s the one who will deal with the fallout.
Dating a married man is never a good decision. There are plenty of fish in the sea, choose one who doesn’t have a ring on his finger
As a woman, you should care about what you do to other women
You wouldn’t want a woman choosing to date your husband. You wouldn’t want that to happen to your friend, sister or daughter. You’d want more for the women you care about, and you should want more for yourself too.
As a human being, you should be concerned for every person involved here and should care enough to put aside your so-called ‘in the moment’ emotions for the sake of their entire lives and future. No matter how the situation plays out, you’ll be the bad guy. People are not going to think highly of you and neither is this man who got away with using you for as long as he did.
Dating a married man is never a good decision. There are plenty of fish in the sea, choose one who doesn’t have a ring on his finger.