Not fully recognising and honouring where you already have great self-confidence can leave you feeling like you are somehow lacking it, even when you are not.

And having the perception that you are lacking self-confidence can be disheartening and sometimes debilitating. Your perception of your own self-confidence can affect every aspect of your life, from your business to your personal relationships, and more importantly your relationship you have with yourself.

Your self-confidence, or calm state of certainty, will spontaneously emerge the moment your goals, intentions and actions become fully aligned or congruent with your true highest priorities or values. Any degree of incongruency between your set goals and objectives and your highest values can be the major downfall in establishing and maintaining an empowered state of self-confidence.

When you are congruent and confident you will walk your talk, not limp your life.

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When you set congruent goals you become spontaneously inspired from within to achieve and fulfill your innermost dominant intentions. You become more disciplined, reliable and focused and your self-worth rises while your space and time horizons expand.

Self-confidence arises when you have a balanced perception of yourself, your abilities and your situations.

Your key to self-confidence is your congruency of speech, body language and action

Personality attributes that reflect confidence include poise, an ordered mind, power, presence, certainty of vision, purposefulness and patience – all of which reflect congruency with your highest values.

What can diminish your self-confidence?

Incongruency between your goals and objectives, and your highest priorities or values. You see opportunities, make decisions and act according to what you feel will give you the greatest advantage over disadvantage, the greatest reward over risk and according to what you feel will fulfill your highest values.

When you set unrealistic expectations that do not align with your highest values, your goals or objectives will probably remain unmet and unfulfilled, and this will erode your self-confidence

Remember – not everybody who acts confident is actually feeling only that way

An outward display of self-confidence, or an over-exaggeration of confidence is often just a cover-up for its complementary opposite, a lowered self-confidence. This incongruency will eventually be recognised, and the very façade that brings the rise will serve the fall. It is wiser to be centred in between.

You have areas of high and low self-confidence, depending on where your priorities, or highest and lowest values lie. Perhaps you are high achieving and confident in your career, but when it comes to training at the gym, you are quite shy.

Any time that you attempt to excel in an area that is not truly highest in your values, you will lower your self-esteem and confidence because you will tend to procrastinate, hesitate and frustrate doing actions that are not truly important to you. Instead, you will become preoccupied with doing actions that are truly more important to you.

You have another area in your life where you excel, and that is in the area of your greatest congruency.

If you are looking to build your self-confidence in some area of your life, the great news is that self-confidence can be awakened, as long as you keep your setting your goals in line with your highest values or priorities your confidence will build momentum. Whenever you feel a greater self-confidence, you will awaken your innate or natural inborn capacities.

So, what do you need to do to awaken an empowered self-confidence?

  • Set realistic expectations, goals and objectives that are truly aligned with your highest values.
  • Take large projects and break them down into smaller, more manageable pieces. Then tackle them one at a time.
  • To awaken self-confidence, live your own life and not attempt to live by someone else’s priorities or values. Always remember: consistent little actions can lead to big dreams.

About the author

Dr. John Demartini is a human behaviour specialist, educator, international best-selling author and the founder of the Demartini Institute.