News flash to all you toddlers just coming onto the scene: Sometimes your parents aren’t going to give you everything you want, and that’s where temper tantrums come into play. Whether it’s the new toy, the cartoon you’re in the mood for, or some great food – sometimes they say ‘No’, and some say ‘No!’ more than others.

So what is a toddler in want to do? It may be time for you to make life so uncomfortable and unbearable for your parents that they have to say ‘Yes’. A little pressure in the form of a persuasive temper tantrum never hurt.

So here you go, little ones. Throw the best temper tantrum you can. This is how.

Disclaimer: Unless you are a toddler who can read, this post is for adult eyes only.

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A toddler’s complete guide to throwing a temper tantrum

Playing the odds

  • Determine the target. What is it that you are after? Is it worth it? Is it something trivial? It doesn’t really matter. If inspiration strikes, go for it.
  • Are you in public? Do your parents have company? Determine your audience. The more people, the more pressure, the better the odds. This is especially true for formal and public settings, when your parents are wanting you on your best behaviour. However, a temper tantrum can still be very effective with a one-person audience.
  • Do you know the word for what you’re asking for? If you don’t, it’s not a problem. ‘NO…THIS!!!’ is still an acceptable, and sometimes preferred, chant during a temper tantrum.

What kind of temper tantrum are you looking to throw?

So you’ve assessed the situation and determined that a tantrum is your best shot at the goods. That’s great. Now it’s time to determine the game plan. What kind of temper tantrum are you looking to throw?

  • The limp noodle – Are you walking with your parents wherever you are going? Do they insist on taking your hand? It is time to let your limbs loosen and make any type of mobility or cooperation impossible. They want you to go to your room? Fine. Make them pick you up. They want to get back to the car? Fine. Make them pick you up. Heck, make them pick you up out of the street if you have to. If you’re not going to get what you want, make them pay.
  • The limb kicker – This is the violent one. Anyone gets near you, make it perfectly clear they might catch a forearm in the stomach, chest or groin. As Don Corleone would say, “It’s just business”. If they want you to stop kicking, punching or flailing, tell them to get what you want.
  • The verbal assault – Remember that ear-piercing decibel range you could hit straight out of the womb? So do your parents. One of the best ways to make life unbearable for them is to prove you can still shatter china in the house next door. You have it in you to alert people in the next town that you are not happy. It is time to make yourself heard.
  • Charades – The adult rules for this game kind of suck. Toddlers can change the rules so that adults simply have to guess what you’re screaming for. This is where ‘NO…THIS!!!’ can be your friend. Make them guess what you’re after. If they guess right, you can always change the target to leave them guessing some more.
  • The chase is on – Are your parents a bit out of shape? Do they complain about having to run after you all the time? If they’re coming after you to enforce the rules, evasion may be your best option. Start running. Watch them panic and watch them pant. This can be an effective method. Just don’t get caught.
  • The food flinger – Do you not like what you are eating? The floor is a perfectly fine place for it. Don’t just tell your parents you don’t like it, take action. Throw it on the floor. Vegetables? Turn that floor green. Too much chicken? Make that floor cluck. If you don’t have a dog in your household, your parents will be on the hook for some cleaning. This can be an effective method to thwart dinnertime food negotiations.

There you have it, toddlers. There are multiple ways for you to get what you want by throwing an effective temper tantrum. Show your parents who the head of the household is. Unless you can read. Then you should have stopped at the warning above.

What other forms of protest do you have in your arsenal? What temper tantrums have worked for you?

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