I have a situation and would LOVE some advice. I am happy for the story to be published on your site, but it has to please be anonymous.
I started out really liking my sister-in-law but then I started noticing that she is flirty with my partner (her husband’s brother). I chose to ignore it, in case I was reading it wrong or imagining it. I never told anyone about what I felt – not even my partner.
When my mom met her at a family gathering, within 30 minutes she pulled me aside and said “Watch out for this one, she has eyes for your man”.
I knew then that I was definitely not imagining the things I had seen in the past. It was real.
When my mom met her at a family gathering, she pulled me aside within 30 minutes and said “Watch out for this one: she has eyes for your man”
Because it’s family, and because I trust my partner, I decided to focus on her good points and just let things slide. But I can’t help feeling uncomfortable around her and try to limit my time with her because it drains me to pretend all is hunky dory, when it’s not.
I will never be rude or mean to her, but I just don’t feel I should be expected to make any extra effort with her. She continues to do things that I feel are not right and it annoys the hell out of me.
How do I handle this?
We are a close-knit family and often do things together, and soon there will be children who will be cousins in the mix. I want a happy vibe between everyone, but at the same time, I also can’t fake my feelings towards someone.
I don’t want to discuss the issue with many people because I don’t want to ruin what they feel or think about her. I feel this is my problem.
Is it enough to tolerate her and be polite to keep the family happy or should I be making more of an effort to overlook her bad points, which we all have, for the sake of our family’s happiness?
Thank you for listening!
Dear Betty who works at the chemist on Main Street in Bloem (who has the lame-ass sister-in-law)
I will protect your identity in this letter so that you can stay anonymous.
Thank you for your letter. When you are in high school,and your friend flirts with your crush (who doesn’t even know that you exist), it is quite legitimate to cry because she has stolen your man and to un-invite her to your party.
Now you are all grown up and the flirt is not going home after your party. Even worse, she is permanently in your family and coming to every one of your parties. Forever.
Now you are all grown up and the flirt is not going home after your party. Even worse, she is permanently in your family and coming to every one of your parties. Forever
There is the chance that Little Miss Flirt is nothing more than that – a flirt
Does she flirt with other men or just your man? Does she flirt openly with your man – in front of her husband and you? Some woman thrive on the attention of men and flatter their egos so that they can feel liked and special.
How does your husband respond to her flirting?
If he ignores her and doesn’t preen like a peacock, she will be discouraged from continuing. Eish, but he is a man.
The next time you are together and she begins to flirt, go over and sit on your husband’s lap, or put your arm around him. Let him strut because his woman is paying attention to him. He loves you and will enjoy your admiration more than anyone else’s in the room.
Can you have a conversation with your husband about this?
Remember that he is a man. No, I am not saying he is stupid. He is, however a man, and could be completely oblivious to the fact that she is flirting with him or that you are uncomfortable with it.
Tell him that you don’t want to make an issue of it but that you feel uncomfortable at times and would appreciate it if he would be aware of it.
If you become Psycho-Barbie and go around marking your territory, you will probably be excluded from all family gatherings and your problem will be solved. Probably wiser to just continue to be aware of a potential threat and squash her…oops, I mean…it – should it become an actual problem.
Ultimately she is not a threat to you
Your husband’s response, if negative, is the only thing that can hurt you. You can’t prevent every woman he encounters from flirting with him. (Well, with some stalking and pepper spray I suppose that you actually could, until you were locked away.)
He chose you and you would be wise to trust him, unless he gives you reason not to. Then you would be wise to put him in time out. In a cupboard. A very small cupboard. For a very long time.
You are beautiful!
Love and blessings