Last updated on Mar 18th, 2015 at 03:25 pm
I need some help! I have been married for two months and we have hit our first major challenge that is going to be a disaster when my husband finds out.
We spoke about opening a joint account when we got married and I agreed
I have been stalling for as long as I can, but my husband is getting frustrated so I have agreed to go with him to the bank this week.
The problem is that we had a budget for our wedding and he was insistent that we do not get further into debt. We had saved for our wedding, with him putting away most of the money. I overspent R2 000 on my dress, to which he eventually agreed. I also begged for a bigger allowance for the flowers than we had agreed on and he relented.
My husband has been saving for a new car and that money was also in the account. He gave me the credit card to his account and I have been doing all the buying on it, as this was simple for me while he was working.
The problem is that I was not completely honest about the rest of the wedding budget
I didn’t want to tell him because he was quite upset about the other two incidents, and I promised that I would stick to the budget because I know that he had the money set aside for the car.
I thought I would just sort it out later but before I knew it the little extras added up to R28 000 more than we had agreed on to spend. I know that sounds like a lot, but I got swept up with ordering new lingerie online, along with wedding decorations from America that I fell in love with.
He kept checking that we were on budget and I just brushed it off. I mean, a girl only gets married once and it should be for both of us.
I just don’t want him to be mad with me so I kept it to myself.
How can I prevent him from looking at the account?
I have already thrown away the first credit card bill that came in the mail, before he could see it. Shouldn’t I have my own account anyway, without him trying to control what I spend?
Thank you for your letter. I think that you can be sure of some things: trees are green, money doesn’t grow on them and your husband is going to be really mad when he realises there is none.
You have a problem that money can’t fix, which is just as well as you don’t seem to have any
Your husband may be mad at the loss of his money, but I think he will be even madder at the fact that he can’t trust his new wife to be honest with him.
You do not appear to be taking responsibility for your actions, but rather you are trying to justify them.
This column is unfortunately not the gift wrapping section, but rather the dissecting and fixing section. I can therefore regrettably not give you advice on how to legally cover up your debt or how to own your own credit card.
You do understand that the money on the credit card not only needs to be paid back, but that someone actually needs to put it there, don’t you?
I think that you can be sure of some things: trees are green, money doesn’t grow on them and your husband is going to be really mad when he realises there is none
If I can give you any advice it would be to come clean with your husband and be honest
As you know, that first little lie that you told to protect those little wedding swan ornaments from becoming extinct was not enough, and you have had to bubble wrap it in several more lies since then.
Perhaps your husband will overlook your indiscretions – let’s refer to him as Saint Husband – and he will forgive you and want to build on trusting you again.
You should apply for a Pick n’ Pay shopper card and see if you can manage that before you are allowed anywhere near a card that is anything other than plain blue
This is ultimately not about the money. Marriage needs to be built on trust
If you really want this marriage to work, start by being honest with your husband now and take responsibility for the choices that you have made. Eve had to admit that she chose to take a bite of that apple, just like Apple had to admit that bending phones was not part of the production plan.
Your husband doesn’t deserve to have a bite taken out of him, or to be bent, by you. Are you going to be the woman that he deserves?
You are beautiful!
Love and blessings