Dear Annie

What must I do to show him that there is no connection anymore?

I have been with my husband for 12 years and we have two kids aged 11 and seven. I am still married but I have lost interest.

He has been a heavy drinker for almost 10 of the years that I have known him. I have been fighting over this but not winning until now, when he has decided to change. I feel like he’s been leaving my heart little by little; it is too late, as all the time I have been hurt and he did not see it.

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Now I don’t love him anymore

I am trying to pretend but it is killing me. I tried to explain to him how I feel but he is still convinced that I will love him again.

He is buying gifts for me but still I am not getting any happiness in my heart. I wish I could learn to love him again but I don’t know if I can. I even pray that he can find a girlfriend so maybe he will see the reality in my explanation. I feel pity for him after telling him how I feel. I don’t know if is normal.

Please help me!
Love Belle

Dear Belle

Thank you for your letter. Twelve years is almost the life span of a Labrador. By the time your dog reaches this age you have long since forgotten those favourite slippers he chewed, the underwear he ripped to shreds from the line, and the stains where he marked his territory have long since faded with the rest of the furniture.

I can imagine that, if when old Rover was 12, he toddled outside for the first time to do his business you were long past being impressed and actually didn’t give a fig about the old stained carpet anymore.

Your neighbours may marvel at the new trick your old dog has learned but you’ve been ashamed of your stained carpet for so long that you’re past caring.

The question is, is the carpet redeemable? Do you remember when you first saw that carpet? You fell in love with the colours and the patterns and wanted nothing more then to bring it home, put it in your lounge, and sit beside it forever. Then the bloody dog started peeing.

Long years of stepping in poop, being ashamed of your stinky carpet and losing your favourite slippers have passed. Your dog has finally learnt the error of his ways and has even begun digging up juicy bones to bring you. Once you loved this dog. Do any of these qualities remain? Is it possible to love him again?

You cannot fall in love with him again unless you make the choice to unpack your heart and dust it off

The first question to answer is, do you WANT to love him again?

At some point you lost respect for him and felt so unloved and hurt, that you choose to pack what was left of your heart away. You cannot fall in love with him again unless you make the choice to unpack your heart and dust it off.

You will need to forgive your dog if you want to lose the urge to withhold his water bowl.

It took 12 years to get to where you are. I’m not sure your dog even fully comprehends how upset you are over your ruined carpet. If your dog is truly wanting you to happily throw a stick for him again, you should take him along to a training school where you can both look at healing the past and creating a clean-carpet future.

The key here is you taking charge of your life and making a choice

Love outside of the movies is not a spontaneous commodity. It is a choice and attitude that takes hard work! The heart following it, is the yummy chocolate icing on the cake.

Alas, it would seem that while I may have sorted your pet issues, you are still sitting with a crummy marriage. Sorry. I’m not chocolate. I can’t make everyone happy.

You are beautiful!
Love and blessings
Annie