Dear Annie

After four years of being in an intimate relationship, my partner broke up with me. He had had many, many girlfriends before me and none of them worked out. He never mentioned the word “marriage” while we were together, but…at the back of my mind, I always thought, that one day, surely we would be standing at the altar.

We have had many good times together. Laughing. Joking. Cooking together. Walking, etc., etc.

He has broken up with me more than once before, just to come back after a week or two. Once, he told me he needs to do introspection. Then he told me that I am not the love of his life – although he loves me! Stupid me? I took him back – time after time.

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Then he told me that I am not the love of his life – although he loves me!

I thought, maybe he was just scared to take the relationship to the next level (marriage). It also seemed to me, that he has never really made peace with his ex wife – they have been divorced for more than 20 years. In those 20 years, he has had probably 20 girlfriends!

I got along extremely well with all his friends. And according to them, I was the best thing that happened to him Then, last year, he broke up with me once again – after a small misunderstanding, or miscommunication. No fighting. Nothing. He broke up. And told me that there is no future for our relationship. He couldn’t really tell me what the exact reasons were.

And finally, he told me that he doesn’t love me

I walked away. I have this feeling that he will come back. But right now, I am too angry to even talk to him. Was I stupid, for staying with him for so long? It seems as if he is chasing a dream of a perfect woman, or relationship.

Or was it just me – who was too stupid to see right through him from start?

It seems as if he is chasing a dream of a perfect woman, or relationship

Dear Anonymous

This letter is not from that petite girl who works at the pharmacy so please don’t look at her funny when you’re next in there. It is not from your cousin either, even though the story is exactly the same…..

Four years is a long time to invest in a relationship that you hope will at least have some decent cake, a new dress and a mother-load of gifts as a benefit somewhere along the road.

Expectations always need to be communicated honestly in that you want to be reading the same book, even if you’re not quite on the same page

It seems that your boyfriend enjoyed your company tremendously and was happy to explore the option to play forever-after with you. After the initial getting to know you phase, you clearly decided that you want to keep him forever. He decided that he enjoyed the movie and watching the reruns but it was not something that he wanted playing in the background forever.

It would seem that you then became a bookmarker to him… keeping the place of where he hopes to one day place a significant other.

Clearly he has shocking taste in not choosing to keep you forever, but in his defence, he was honest with you. He also seems to have been with you for longer than with any of his other girlfriends. He seems to live by the motto: “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one that you’re with”. You say that he has cut you loose before, but then you take him back again, even after her tells you that you are not his ever-after.

The brutal truth is exactly what he has told you all along….he doesn’t know a race horse if it bit him in the…well, you know…

You are clearly a loving, kind and very accommodating person. He finds it easy to be with you. Perhaps it is time to remember that you are not a convenience store but rather a rare delicatessen! The man who you choose to peruse your goods needs to be a connoisseur who recognises fine quality when he sees it.

While you are busy playing human-bookmark for Mr 20-lovers, you are too occupied to be meeting that man out there who has been searching for you.

Help him not to be such a jerk by not going back to him again

You cannot expect a man to know your worth if you yourself are unaware of it! If you decided to take Mr 20-lovers back, know that doing the same thing over again never has a different result.

Spend some time in your own good company so that you are able to rediscover, and then honestly put out there what you are worth and you are sure to attract a man who is able to recognise it!

You are beautiful!
Love and blessings