Last updated on Jan 31st, 2015 at 09:55 am

Dear Annie
 
Your advice is brilliant and I never miss an article! I need some advice on my love life. Or lack thereof…

I have a friend who was visiting here for the Christmas season. She fell in love with a man who has been a mutual friend of ours. They had a holiday romance which ended when she went back overseas, where she lives permanently. He was not interested in pursuing the relationship, which was never serious for him.
 
Since my friend went back I have been out with him several times. My friend is not happy about this because she is still in love with him. I have told her that we are just friends – which is all we currently are. He is away for a month but we talk every day. I think that he is a great guy but I’m not sure if I can even think of a relationship with him because of my friend’s feelings.
 
The problem is that he has told me that he has had feelings for me all along and that was why he could never get serious with my friend!

Because his relationship was all about the physical with my friend, I have told him that I’m not sleeping with anyone until I’m in love with them. (I have been there, done that, and it does not work out.)

He asked: What is love? Which is a point – the older I get the less I believe in love and don’t know if I’ve even ever really been in love… but there’s still the idea of the fantasy in my mind.

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I think that there’s got to be something much, much more before the sex

So I’m sticking to my guns. He also has to prove to me that he’s trustworthy. Then I also met another guy while surfing on Saturday. He’s really lovely but I have yet to have a proper conversation with him and see what he’s like.

Please tell me what you think.

Love Lola
 
Dear Lola
 
Thank you for your letter.

Does falling in love really exist or is it just the stuff of fairytales?

When we think of the world’s greatest lovers, Romeo and Juliet spring to mind. If true love means an unladylike-stomach-clenching-vomit-mouth demise I’m not sure it would be worth it.

It is romantic to think that they could not possibly imagine life would be worth living if they could not be together. They knew that they had an incredibly rare good thing and made sure nothing could taint it.

Things like morning breath, blocked drains, snoring and the like were never going to dilute their bliss. I wonder if those star-struck lovers had even more confidence in their undying love if they would have had the courage to test their love in real life?

Surely a more romantic picture is the crotchety, bald, half-deaf, flatulent man who is still holding your hand 50 years down the line?

Surely a more romantic picture is the crotchety, bald, half-deaf, flatulent man who is still holding your hand 50 years down the line?

Have you ever been in love?

It sounds like at times you may have gazed into a hottie’s eyes and thought that you were. The freeing of the burden of clothing may have added to this feeling. But as you have experienced, unless you fall in love, get hot and passionate and then instantly kill yourselves before the bad morning breath drifts over from your snoring lover’s drooling mouth, this kind of love will not last.
 
Clearly you have opted for the continue breathing option and so have discovered this first hand. As I have said before, the hot and heavy passion stuff very nicely bonds the boxes of emotional, mental and spiritual intimacy together. These boxes are not for sale in the condom aisle and all you can really have instantly is the physical bonding glue. Of course this can’t hold together what’s not there.

Taking your time to build those boxes is definitely the way to go.

Your friend is in love with your box building man

So I guess she thinks he is a good choice. Thing is, she can’t call forever dibs on him if he has never agreed. If she lived next door that would be awkward, and you’d have to know that borrowing a cup of sugar again will no longer be an option.

If she’s living overseas forever and he’s never moving there she can’t keep him as an option to keep, when he really was equivalent to a timeshare beach house all along.
 
Sounds like he’s interested in exploring the picket fence house plan with you. You’ve made your position clear. Time will tell if he’s a serious house buyer or just looking for a quick rent.

Continue to go slow and remember that you are worth the long term investment and when true love finds you, you’ll have no doubt.
 
You are beautiful!
Love and blessings
Annie