Last updated on Jan 31st, 2015 at 09:54 am

Dear Annie
 
Thank you for your column. I really need your advice about my love life.

Well, I am not sure that I have a love life so to speak and that is what this letter is about.

I met a wonderful man over the Christmas holiday. We were camping at the same place and met while out on a walk. We really connected and ended up spending time together every day.

He said that he was separated from his wife and not ready for a relationship when we first met. We spent ten days together and we had such a connection that after the second day he ended up spending the night with me.

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When we drove to the village and went to the shops everyone would have thought that we were a couple. We were so comfortable with each other and I loved having a man give me so much attention.

I have not been with a man for quite a while after things went wrong in my last relationship. That relationship lasted six months, although my boyfriend denied that we were ever really in a relationship because after we had spent the first weekend together he moved to Jo’burg and I would have to do all the phoning and texting. Eventually I just stopped and I never heard from him again and I realised that he was too lazy to sustain a relationship and I was better off without him.

Anyway, I am back from my holiday and I have only heard from my new boyfriend once so far

I am very confused. I know that he said that he was not ready for a relationship at first but that was before things became physical.

After that we spent every night together and he was a really decent guy so I am sure that it was as meaningful to him.

I have sent him four text messages but he only replied to the first one

I changed my Facebook status to in a relationship because I want to let all those other guys out there know that I am not available. I found him on Facebook but he hasn’t accepted my friend request yet. I think it is because he doesn’t go on Facebook often. I have even managed to find his email address and I have sent him a few emails. He has not answered them but it is possible that he has not gone back to work yet and so hasn’t seen them yet.

We were so good together and I don’t want to lose this guy. I am thinking of going to Boksburg, where he lives, to surprise him. I don’t know where he lives but he did tell me where he works and I was able to get the address and I could surprise him there.

I was just reading about grabbing opportunities and not waiting for happiness to happen, but taking charge and making it happen so that feels like confirmation that I should do it. I am sure that he will remember how much he liked being with me when he sees me. What do you think?

Beatrice
 
Dear Beatrice

Thank you for your letter. It sounds like you had a wonderful holiday, complete with a romance of note.

It is clear that you would like to be in a relationship, especially after your last relationship did not work out.

For two people to progress to a relationship that is authenticated by that all important Facebook status change both need to have the same expectations.

If you go to my Facebook page, you will see that I am in a relationship with George Clooney. I am sure that as soon as he accepts my friendship request he will update his status too.

If you go to my Facebook page, you will see that I am in a relationship with George Clooney. I am sure that as soon as he accepts my friendship request he will update his status too

Your holiday romance man told you when you first met what his expectations were

Unfortunately these included that he did not want to be in a relationship. Having had this conversation when you first met, he must have thought that you were happy with a physical relationship, knowing that it would only be short term.

They say that communication is 90% nonverbal and 10% verbal so I can understand that you got mixed messages when he was all over you like a bad rash. Unfortunately he was living in the now, enjoying the moment and expressing to you that he was very hetrosexual, as opposed to a blind man signing out that he loved you.

It would seem that your previous relationship may have also had some mixed signals and expectations

It is all very well to seize the day and grab your happiness but if you need to tie up your happiness and cart him off kicking and screaming, third parties, like lawyers, can get involved and no-one wants that kind of crowd. That’s what George’s legal team say at any rate and I think it may just be that he doesn’t have a South African visa or something.

Anyway, I think that it is important to remember that clichéd saying that we saw written on school lockers: ‘If you love something set it free. If it comes back to you nobody else wanted it.

Set it free again.

If you want to find a man who will ruin your lipstick and not your mascara, you should build on the bonds that will keep you together. When the emotional, mental and spiritual bonds are in place and the commitment has been established, applying the glue that keeps them together (the physical) is a celebration of what you already have in place.

If you meet someone and you both choose to splash a little bonding glue around for fun, you need to remember that you have nothing in place to actually glue together, and you should not be surprised that, after the experience, you have nothing
 
A good place to start a reationship is by mutually exploring parts of each other that you can legally do in a public coffee shop as opposed to private tents. I am talking about minds of course.

As you seek friendship and fun and spend time getting to know people and give them time to get to know you too, I am sure that you will find the relationships that you are looking for.

You are worth finding. If you stop hunting, remember your worth and sit back and patiently wait: the right man will find you.
 
You are beautiful
Love and blessings
Annie