Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew.

I just don’t get it. X and I went out on and off for 10 years. (A DECADE!) I walked out because he wouldn’t commit and I have trust issues because he cheated.

X has never been into marriage but said that he would get married because he knew it’s what I wanted. He wanted kids and said that he didn’t want anyone else but me to be the mother of them. I know he would be a fantastic father.

Anyway, we talk every day. We still spend the odd afternoon together over coffee or whatever. We laugh and the love is still there in a big way. I’ve forgiven his infidelity but I haven’t forgotten… (anyone who knows how to do this whole ‘forgive AND forget’ thing is super human!). I know that temporary ‘forget’ is sold by the bottle but I don’t want to go down that vodka-soaked path. I would prefer a more permanent and sober state of forgetfulness thank you.

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X is Mr. Dependable: he has been there for me more times than I can count

I don’t know many men who will drop whatever they are doing and rush to their partner’s side in a blink of an eye. X is even there for me now that we not together. He is like my dial-a-hero. For real.

He treats his mom very well (always a good sign) and he is a great friend, to me and his friends. His heart is really big.

We had lunch over the weekend and he was telling me how much he loves me and that he doesn’t want to find someone else. (He is in his early 40s). I asked him if he loved me so much why he is not willing to commit? His answer? Because I’ve nagged him about marriage and babies for the last eight years of our relationship and he doesn’t want to feel forced or coerced! Huh?

We got into such an argument. I can’t understand how he can say that? Am I wrong? He agreed I’m not a naggitive person but he feels I haven’t let up on this particular topic. I don’t see it as nagging. I’m just really excited about getting married and starting a family. If I can’t share that with the man in my life without it being percieved as nagging, then I just don’t know?!

I have gone on the odd date with other guys and none of them strike a flame within me

There was this foreign man who was lovely, and wanted everything that I did from life. I really tried to spend time with him to see if I could feel something and forget about X. I failed. Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew.

I really don’t know what to do….

Option A) go back to X, who I love with all my heart, try not to harp on marriage/babies and live in hope. Hurry up and wait basically! What if he takes another 10 years?!

Option B) Get out there, look good, meet lots of people and date A LOT (dread) and hopefully meet someone I like and HOPEFULLY they like me back and we fall in love?  Someone who at least wants to get married etc?

Writing this I kind of feel that both options will probably take the same amount of time?

Whichever way I go I feel like I will be settling for less. But which is the less with more in the long run?

I am all kinds of confused!