Last updated on Jun 21st, 2021 at 12:29 pm

Do you feel like the fire in your relationship has been extinguished? Here’s how to get the flame burning again.

There are so many factors that can influence the intimate relationship. From demanding careers to the pressures of parenting, couples who once enjoyed a spicy relationship may find themselves on the couch watching Netflix without the ‘chill’.

For parents, lack of sleep is one of the main reasons for a lack of spark between couples. For new moms, a big factor is the fact that women often don’t feel attractive after giving birth. Plus the hormonal changes, sore breasts and recovering from a C-section scar!  All of these can put a damper on bedroom activities.

But, says Mayo Clinic, there’s more to intimacy than sex.

“If you’re not feeling sexy or if you’re afraid sex will hurt, talk to your partner. Until you’re ready to have sex, maintain intimacy in other ways.”

Subscribe to our Free Daily All4Women Newsletter to enter

Here are some tips to help you regain the intimate relationship with your partner:

1.     Put the play back in your life.

See the humour in things and laugh a lot. Playing with the children is often a great way of spending quality time and strengthening intimacy. When you go for walks, chase each other. This sparks off “good hormones” and could lead to spontaneous sex.

2.     Hold hands

Holding hands while you’re walking might seem like something you only do during the early days of dating, but it’s a good way to maintain intimacy and closeness in your relationship.

3.     Find a hobby you both enjoy

Don’t force a partner to do what you like, for instance spend the afternoon on a golf course, or watching the latest cinema nouveau-movie. Your partner might hate it, and come to resent spending this time with you. Try and find something you both love like biking or taking a cooking class together. The new interests will stimulate your brain and give you something new to talk about.

4.     Don’t fall into the trap of calling each other “mommy” and “daddy”

Being called “mommy” will hardly make a woman feel sexy. Try and see your partner as a sexual human being, not just the father/mother of your children. Remember that your relationship is the core, it has to be cherished, even if all your maternal instincts dictate otherwise.

5.     Touch each other – it doesn’t have to lead to sex

Often couples stop touching each other because they’re afraid it will lead to sex. Make a point of touching your partner throughout the day. It could be kissing him, stroking his cheek or running your fingers through his hair.

6.     Use this period to learn and seduce each other in different ways

So often, couples get stuck in a rut regarding their love life. Learn to seduce with words, with messages during the day. This leads to an exciting build-up. And if you still fear sex because you are afraid it will hurt, experiment with other ways of giving each other pleasure.

7.     Try and establish a support system

You should be able to call on friends or family to babysit for you once in a while, to give you the opportunity to have your hair cut, or to go out with your partner.