Last updated on Feb 18th, 2021 at 10:11 am
Whether the loss is from miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, foetal abnormality, still born or SIDS, couples who have been through it will tell you that it’s devastating and changes your life forever. In fact, for many couples there’s a real fear of forgetting or dishonouring their angel child.
To cope and help keep your baby close, experts advise you keep talking about your baby and keep their memory alive.
Here are a few ways to remember and honour your lost baby:
Wear a reminder of your baby
There are many beautiful options on the market to honour a lost baby and there’s a style to suit almost everyone. From jewellery that contains a keepsake of your baby (for example, a lock of hair) to jewellery that is more discreet, like a birthstone pendant or ring, or a bracelet engraved with your baby’s name.
Ink a tattoo
A little more permanent, a tattoo can be a great way to symbolise your love for a lost child. Tattoo ideas can range from baby names, dates, quotes and even portraits. Just make sure you select an experienced artist as this is something you’ll have forever.
Plant a tree
Many people find comfort in bringing new life into their home in a different way. Planting a tree or a rose bush in memory of your baby is a great way to do this. Your baby’s ashes, the placenta or other precious items can be placed underneath the tree for burial.
Create a garden shrine
Create a quiet resting place you can visit and retreat when you need to. Plant plants to remind you of your baby, get a statue of a baby angel, for example, or a beautiful dreamcatcher, windchime or harmony bells to hang in a tree.
Start a blog or write a poem
There is so much healing power in the written word. Try writing down your feelings in a journal or write a poem. You can also start a blog, like Nikita Camacho did when she lost her twin babies recently. (Read about her loss here).
Help other parents
Often doing acts of kindness for others can help you deal with your own pain. If you’re still producing milk you can always consider pumping and donating your breastmilk to a milk bank like Milk Matters. Other acts of charity, such as donating your time to help at a baby shelter orphanage can also be healing.
Join a support group
Losing a baby is difficult. But it does help to talk with other people. There are many online forums and Facebook groups for women and families going through the same grief and will provide enormous support as you deal with your grief.
Now I Lay me Down To Sleep is a non-profit organisation, for example, that provides resources and support for all those who have been touched by infant or foetal loss.
Dedicate a star in your baby’s memory
Did you know that you can dedicate a star to your little one? We love the idea that no matter where you go, it will always be there shining in the sky. Visit https://www.starregistry.com/ for more info. Alternatively you can start a fundraiser or make a donation to a charity in your baby’s name.
Other ways you remember and honour the baby you lost:
- Holding a memorial service or gathering
- Releasing butterflies
- Making a collage or memory box with items that remind you of yout baby
- Etching your baby’s name in a stone and placing it outside
- Engraving your baby’s name on a brass plate and displaying it
- Lighting a candle for your baby on birthdays and on special occasions, including 15 October, which is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.
Share with us how you keep your angel child’s memory alive