Starting over again is one of the toughest things a person has to do. But most of us, at some time or another in our lives, are forced to do exactly that. Whether youâ??ve been divorced or estranged from your husband or partner, taking control of your new circumstances is an important part of turning around your life.

Here are nine helpful ways to do exactly that.

1.  Distract yourself in order to start over again after a divorce or breakup

Maybe you’re going through a lengthy stressful divorce, or maybe you’ve simply split with the person you loved. Whatever it is, dwelling on your loss is a recipe for disaster, since it stops you from enjoying the present. The object isn’t to destroy the past, but to rather put it aside until youâ??re strong enough to deal with what happened.

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2.  Lean on friends and family

Your friends and family are a great distraction. Friends and family know and understand you and will be a strong support system for you when you are starting over again after a divorce or breakup.

3.  Remove reminders from sight

Remove from sight all reminders of the love you lost. Again, the purpose isn’t to deny that the other person existed; it’s to keep reminders out of sight and out of mind until you’re in a safe enough place emotionally.

4.  Get away

If youâ??re able, try to get away for a while. Being in a new place will help to distract you from memories of your former love â?? at  least for a while â?? or until youâ??re strong enough to deal with being back home.

5.  Understand what went wrong

Examine aspects of your past relationship and try to ascertain and understand what went wrong. In order to do this, acknowledge that you might need to fix a few things about your habits, your personality, and your reactions. None of us are perfect, but those who succeed in relationships are capable of making adjustments when they need to.

6.  Talk to a relationship expert or psychologist

Relationship experts understand what makes relationships work and what dooms them to die. Talking with a professional will help you understand the aspects of your former relationship that you’ll need to change in order to move forward.

7.  Ask for feedback from your ex

Write a letter or email to your ex asking for feedback. Do not be confrontational, or blame them for the failed relationship. Your goal here isn’t to settle the score; it’s to understand what went wrong. Ask them to list any of the things they believe seriously hurt the relationship, and what you might have done differently. Consider carefully what they say.

8.  Forgive yourself and forgive your ex

Don’t only blame the other person for what went wrong â?? there are two sides to every story. Try not to let guilt or resentment fester â?? just let it go. Blame will only make you a bitter person, so try to leave all that ill-will behind.

9.  Slowly put yourself out there again after a divorce or breakup

  • It’s okay to mourn the loss of a loved one, but the longer you keep yourself away from other people, the harder it’ll be to get back.

  • Ask your friends to introduce you to new people. Your friends know you well and meeting new people is always interesting and often exciting.

  • Try internet dating, but be totally honest when filling out your profile. Be cautious too, about internet dating. There are many criminals out there.

  • It’s okay to get into low-commitment relationships, just as long as youâ??re totally honest and the other person knows exactly where they stand.

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