With divorce rates being what they are and people living well into their 70s, 80s, and 90s, tying the knot might seem more intimidating than ever. However, by understanding what marriage entails and clarifying your expectations, you can overcome your nuptial-phobia and make an informed decision on whether or not to get married.
1. Try to determine what exactly are your fears of marriage
Most people don’t fear marriage itself but rather, its implications and its potential failure. What are you worried will change? What’s the worst possible scenario that’s paralysing your views on marriage?
2. Address your fears of marriage
If your parents had a bad marriage, understand that every marriage is different. If you’re worried about your marriage falling apart, make a list in your mind of what you can and will do to make the marriage work. Imagine all the scenarios that make you scared and then, imagine what you will do in that specific situation to make it better.
Consider that if you allow your fear of marriage to prevent you from settling down, you might be single for the rest of your life. Make sure that’s a risk you’re willing to take, and accept responsibility for.
3. Re-evaluate your failed past relationships
It can also help to re-evaluate your failed relationships. How or where did they go wrong? Talk with your significant other about their past relationships and try to determine why those did not work out. Understanding what went wrong in the past can help you avoid the same issues this time around.
4. Chat with those in a successful marriage
Ask anybody in a successful marriage to tell you their secrets, and discuss this with your partner. This is the perfect opportunity to exercise the communication skills that are essential for any healthy relationship to last. An understanding and helpful partner will also help you to overcome your fear of marriage.
5. Decide whether youâ??ve chosen the right person
Decide whether the person you have chosen is the one with whom you want to spend the rest of your life. Or, have they chosen you and you’re now being pressured into marriage?
It might not be marriage itself that you fear, but marriage to this person. Itâ??s wise not to marry the person you know you can live with for the rest of your life â?? rather marry the one whom you can’t imagine living without.
6. Accept that marriage has its ups and downs
Realise that you are not going to live in harmony every second of every day. If this is your expectation, you’ll never settle down or get married because no one will ever be able to live up to that illusion.
Marriage is hard work and no marriage is perfect. Too many people get married with the idea that, should things start to get tough, they’ll just file for divorce and start all over again. Be prepared for the bumps in the road, and don’t be surprised when you come across them.
7. Plan your future life together to overcome your fear of marriage
Sit down and sort out some things before you get married. Will you have children? If so, how many? Who will manage the money? Will both spouses work? How much will you save for retirement? Where will you live? Who gets which responsibility? What about religion issues? If the husband can still go out to bars with his buddies, can the wife still do the same?
These are the difficult yet practical questions to ask before you commit yourself to somebody for the rest of your life. It’s better to foresee conflict and prevent it. If you have a healthy relationship, the questioning process will bring you closer.
8. Do some introspection about sexual exclusivity
Many people have healthy and happy committed relationships which include clear agreements on sexual privacy without sexual exclusivity. Donâ??t let societal standards dictate what makes you and your mate happy. Many people are afraid of the prospect of lifelong sexual exclusivity.
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