It is not easy to deal with a controlling person. And especially not when the controlling person is someone for whom you care. However, no one deserves or wants to be controlled. If they do, they may have issues themselves that they need to deal with.
Understand that a controlling person leads to being a co-dependent person. Furthermore co-dependent people can be manipulative, bullying, and present with either passive or violent aggressive behaviour.
1. Recognize that you are dealing with a controlling person whose aim is to control and monopolise you.
2. Stand firm on the fact that you are not going to be controlled.
3. Work together. In any relationship or marriage, cooperation is vitally important. That means that neither person is the dominant personality. Try to conduct discussion on an adult-to-adult basis, and communicate that you are an individual in your own right and responsible for your own decisions.
4. Point out when dealing with a controlling person that their ways are distressing you and making you feel uncomfortable.
5. Remember that you are not the one with the problem. Concentrate on being strong so that their problem doesn’t become yours.
6. Do the things that you enjoy even if the controlling person you care for is not supportive as you do them. Withdrawing their support is manipulative and a clever way to discourage you from doing things without him or her, reinforcing the sense that you need this person in order to have an enjoyable time. If you have made plans, don’t let someone else cause you to break them.
7. Remember that in conflicted conversations, the controlling person will likely become very manipulative and turn things around to the conflict being your fault. They might try to gain your sympathy by crying or changing the subject to something entirely different. When dealing with a controlling person, leaving the room may be best if you are getting nowhere in a conversation. Do not resort to sarcasm or play into their game. Maintain your own dignity.
8. Do remember that it is within your power to set the boundaries on your relationship. If you set a tone that allows another to control you, it can be very difficult to get a partner who has been accustomed to getting his or her way with you to understand that you now wish to make your own decisions. If you set a healthy, autonomous and adult tone in the beginning, your relationship with this person will be much smoother.
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