Being a new mom is no easy task. Dealing with a newborn, sleepless nights, and all the physical changes that come with pregnancy and birth can wreak havoc on your ‘mojo’ or libido…

According to relationship counsellor and clinical sexologist, Leandie Buys, lots of new moms feel frustrated when they aren’t able to ‘bounce back’ physical and sexually after birth – or even when their children are older.

She offers some comforting advice to new moms below:


Most doctors agree that a mother’s body only generally recovers from the birth experience up to six months after giving birth. On the emotional and psychological side, sleepless nights, increased responsibilities and the sheer overwhelming task of raising a child will definitely leave you feeling run-down, exhausted and un-sexy.

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Many partners feel frustrated by the lack of intimacy, and this is understandable, but there is no need to rush into things. Sex after the birth of a baby is all about starting slowly.

Relaxation is one of the most important activities for increasing libido

Once your body feels like it has recovered, start planning your romantic evenings together well ahead of time. Yes, this might sound like a mojo-killer but in the beginning, it will help you to prepare for the ‘big night’ and get the ball rolling again.

Make a date for a weekend evening (so you’re not tired out from work) and decide who will be the ‘initiator’. One date night your partner can be the initiator and the next time it can be you.

Take advantage of all the babysitting offers from trustworthy grandparents, friends and family for the “just the two of us” evenings. Buy some new lingerie, and pamper yourself before your date. If you’re feeling frumpy, put on some make-up and your sexiest outfit – try and take your mind of the baby and all your responsibilities for the evening.

Focus on relaxation and peace of mind

Remember, relaxation is the key, so order take-aways or go out for dinner so that you don’t have to worry about cooking. Make the whole evening about the two of you. After dinner, take a bubble bath together, or watch a movie with your favourite junk food.

Communicate with each other. Reconnect as lovers rather than as parents. Reminisce about your first date together. Chances are that you find each other as sexy and attractive as you did then.

Enjoy the times that you get to spend alone as a couple. You can even wake up a few minutes early in the morning for a “quickie” or book a lunch date. Make a concerted effort to reconnect as lovers, and you will find that your ‘mojo’ will return.

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