Last updated on Jun 11th, 2021 at 10:45 am

Relationship counsellor and clinical sexologist, Leandie Buys has some tips for those experiencing a temporary libido low, and how to keep the chemistry alive in your relationship…


Low libido is a general lack of interest in sex. Without desire, there is very little biological motivation to be intimate with your partner.

People who experience a low sex drive are often frustrated by it and don’t understand why they are not interested in sex. They feel powerless and confused when expected to “want” sex.

Over the course of a relationship, fluctuations in libido for women and men are very normal

There are various factors that can affect a person’s desire. From stress to medication to hormonal changes. General physical health is also a contributor to a healthy libido.

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What couples need to be aware of is the development of desire discrepancy, and the pursuer-distancer cycle. This cycle can be very toxic to a relationship and most couples experiencing this cycle can benefit from professional help from a sex therapist.

Notorious libido killers

Your mind and your body are interlinked. Stress is one of the major libido killers for both men and women. Depression, and a lack of self-esteem can also decrease desire.

Hormonal imbalances like low testosterone levels can also be the cause.

The state of the relationship is another contributor to sexual interest between couples. If there is a disconnect emotionally, and a lack of trust and respect for each other, it will have an effect on their intimacy.

Some tips to help boost your libido:

  • Exercise helps release endorphins which make you feel great about yourself. Exercise also boosts your self-esteem as your body becomes fitter and stronger. You will also have more energy.
  • Find a good coping skill to help ease the amount of stress in your life. Exercise is a great way to de-stress, but finding a hobby that you enjoy can also benefit your stress levels. Spend time with friends, make sure you get outdoors into nature, and ‘escape’ from the general stressors of everyday life.
  • Don’t forget the romance. Even if you’re in a long-term relationship, you should never lose the romance. Put effort into making date nights special. Keep ‘dating’ each other even if you’ve been together for a long time.

Read more tips for healthy relationships below: