I listen to the news, I read the papers, I watch TV and in so many instances someone is blaming someone else

I am not talking about natural disasters or out-of-the-blue accidents – these are legitimate. It’s the willful deliberate shifting of blame in order to excuse your action or non-action in any given situation.

Blame: feel or declare that (someone or something) is responsible for a fault or wrong. If you blame a person or thing for something bad, you believe or say that they are responsible for it or that they caused it.

Right from toddler age, the act of blaming is evident! Yes, those with young children know that when they confront a toddler with the phrase “What happened here?” or “Who did this?” someone else will be blamed. It’s the dog, the sister, the cat, the brother, the friend or even the boogie man.

Even if you don’t have children, I’m sure your siblings or friends blamed you at some stage. As far as I can see, everyone has blamed someone or something for whatever didn’t go to plan. Some of us are even blamed for things we have not done!

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“Wherever you find a problem, you will usually find the finger-pointing of blame. Society is addicted to playing the victim.” – Stephen R. Covey

Speaking psychologically, blaming is a defence mechanism used to cope with feelings such as guilt, and projecting them onto someone else. Doing this seems to alleviate the psychological weight in our minds instead of dealing with the unwanted feelings and emotions.

There is just no getting away from blame it seems. Yes, we may think at the time that it is an acceptable ploy to avoid getting into trouble or having to take responsibility for our actions, after all, we need to justify and vindicate ourselves – our ego demands it!

When we blame, we are trying to cover up our part in the story, particularly when our story is a sad or bad one

Let’s dissect this:

  • When you are feeling badly done by and downtrodden, is it natural for you to search for reasons outside of yourself?
  • Does it make you feel better if you blame shift? Does blaming defend you against the undesirable truth?
  • Do you think that by blaming someone or something else you are defending yourself against the onslaught of rejection or judgement of others?
  • Do you believe that things are mostly out of your control, that things just happen TO you?
  • Are you someone who tends to believe that you are always right or justified in taking the actions you do, that others bait you, mistreat you and manipulate you and it’s not your fault?
  • Are you an all-or-nothing kind of person who cannot seem to control your emotions, resulting in bad behaviour, then blaming others?

These are just a few questions I have asked in order to prompt you. Do you identify with any of these? I am not judging you at all, please remember that.

You are just giving yourself permission to get away from the guilt trip and sidestepping the truth in order to save face

You are just giving yourself permission to get away from the guilt trip and sidestepping the truth in order to save face.

Unfortunately this façade is short-lived and likely to be more detrimental in the long run when the truth finally surfaces.

Try to be more aware of when you start to THINK of something to say to cover up the truth – and then stop

Don’t say it! Perhaps work on the anger and rejection that you feel, digest the reasons and own them, but try not to let them overwhelm you.

3 Important steps for breaking free from a co-dependent relationship

You are not a victim!

You will start to grow when you become more aware. Slowly, in time, you will be able to own up to the part you played and take full responsibility in how things played out – and there is NO shame in being honest (particularly with yourself). Let it be your reality that you see. This in turn will lead to meaningful relationships with everyone around you.

I dare you to take responsibility this week!

As always, I welcome your comments. Please pop into my Website at www.thoughtfortheweekend.com for more thought-provoking articles to help you make sense of your world.

Love and light
Judy

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