Being in a healthy relationship requires effort to make it work
From a very young age, we are fed fairytale stories about being in love and what a relationship is like. The reality is that most relationships are nothing like these stories. In fact, having certain beliefs about relationships can actually hinder your love life.
Here are just some toxic beliefs about love that we need to all stop romanticising now so that we can continue to cultivate healthy, loving relationships:
1. Relationships should be easy
When you start thinking that relationships don’t require work, you are doomed to a life of singledom. The truth is that every healthy relationship requires effort and work to make it last for the long haul. Real love takes work. It takes some effort to compromise with a partner. It takes some solid effort to plan a future together. And it also takes work to resolve arguments with someone you adore.
There will always be bumps along the way in every single relationship. It’s the people who can put in the effort to overcome whatever obstacles come their way who last the longest.
2. Your soulmate will know how to love you
Woah! Putting so much pressure on a partner can be damaging to any relationship, especially when the relationship is still in the beginning stages.
People are complicated and diverse. Everyone differs in the way they need to be loved and shown affection. Some prefer grand gestures while others prefer more subtle ones. When you become so caught up with the insane romantic idea of someone showing up with a bouquet of flowers and the exact words that you want to hear when you are sad or upset, you will never find a healthy relationship. It takes time for people to get to know each other. Real love isn’t about all the flowers and the romance.
Real, true love is all about being open and honest and making the relationship work through the hard and unsexy times. By expressing your emotions and needs to or partner and listening to what they need is the only way to grow closer and develop the foundation of a healthy relationship.
3. All you need is love
While love can be a wonderful starting point for a healthy relationship, love cannot withstand the troubled times alone. Making a relationship withstand the distance requires deliberate, conscious action on behalf of both partners. There needs to be stability and understanding. Without these crucial components, relationships will see their eventual doom.
Both people need to be willing to grow and compromise in order for the relationship to withstand the test of time.
Choosing to acknowledge our fantasies versus reality can do wonders for all of our relationships, not just the romantic ones
4. We have the ability to hold people responsible for how they feel
Although it is tempting to want to think that we can control the way other people think and feel, we simply don’t have those magical qualities. Real relationships require partners to listen to one another and understand how their actions are making them feel. Being open and honest about things that bother you about your partner is the only way your partner will know that something they are doing is possibly bothering you. Voicing your opinions should be encouraged in any healthy relationship.
5. Other people should make an effort to break down your walls
We have all been hurt in love. As a result, we tend to build walls around our hearts. And after a while, we may start to think that it is the responsibility of our potential partners to break these walls down. The truth is, the only way we can develop healthy relationships is by overcoming our fears and busting those walls we’ve built all on our own. It is our own responsibility to rebuild our hearts after a heartbreak. In fact, we need to take control of our hearts by being able to open up and continue to stay vulnerable no matter what sort of heartbreak or hurt we have been through in the past. Learning lessons is one thing, but harbouring fears is a whole other toxic situation that will only leave you pushing potential partners away.
6. Love can save people
Love is not that strong. While it is magical and incredible, it is just a shared experience; it should never be relied on for anything- happiness, security, and support. When people are ill, love cannot save them alone. Supporting a loved one during a hard time is one thing. But relying solely on love to be the end all be all cure is a recipe for disaster.
Love is not a problem-solver, and giving love away in hopes of fixing someone with personal issues is not a great foundation towards a healthy relationship. This type of behaviour can easily lead to co-dependency and is extremely toxic to both people involved in the relationship.
In the end, it’s important to release some long-held beliefs about love and relationships in order to find real love. Being in a healthy relationship requires effort to make it work. If you are looking for a relationship to withstand the test of time, consider releasing all the toxic thoughts that keep you romanticising love instead of being honest with yourself about what a truly healthy relationship looks and feels like.
At the end of the day, we can continue to romanticise these toxic beliefs or we can start figuring out how to create healthier relationships. In fact, being able to maintain healthy relationships is a wonderful way to grow and evolve as women. Choosing to acknowledge our fantasies versus reality can do wonders for all of our relationships, not just the romantic ones.
We can end up having healthier friendships and relationships with family members that become a lot healthier as soon as we stop having some false ideal of how they should be and accept them as they are.