I detest skinny jeans and wish the trend a sudden and violent death

Yesterday was a dark and drizzly day. I have spent the past two months in shorts and skirts, but the weather was too cold for bare legs. With reluctance I pulled out a pair of the skinny jeans my husband and daughter talked me into buying last year, in the vain hope that my body shape had changed to accommodate them.

Nope. Still as unflattering as ever

Who on earth thinks skinny jeans look great on everyone? Even if you have a washboard flat tummy, they still flatten the hell out of your bum. Which makes me retract my earlier statement that a man must be to blame.

Men like looking at bums. Itâ??s a fact. That may sound sexist, but J Lo and Kim K are famous for theirs. So no man would design a pair of jeans that squashes a womanâ??s bum, would they?

Then thereâ??s the hip-hugging waist

If you have even the tiniest muffin top, skinny jeans will emphasize this, as they will sit just below your roll, and highlight it. Also, if you rely on that roll to keep your pants up, youâ??ll now have to use a belt.

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Unless youâ??re the type who doesnâ??t mind if your skinny jeans end up sagging below your hips, and showing your g-string (or Granny panties) to the world.

Skinny jeans are skinniest around the ankles â?? where they bunch up and hug the bottoms of your legs

And the legs are pretty unflattering too

Skinny jeans are skinniest around the ankles â?? where they bunch up and hug the bottoms of your legs. You then have to tuck your jeans into your boots.

Bring back the bootleg

Iâ??m a fan of bootleg jeans. They make legs look longer and slimmer and you can choose whether to tuck your jeans into your boots or let them fit over your trousers.

My daughter thinks bootlegs are right up there with those high-waisted mommy jeans and too revolting to contemplate. Itâ??s the same with all teens. Whether theyâ??re skinny or fat, have muffin tops, big thighs, or Kate Moss bodies, they all wear skinny jeans.

Thatâ??s the problem I have with fashion. It dictates what we wear â?? and we donâ??t always have the body shape to pull it off.

Iâ??m rebelling this winter and going in search of some bootlegs. Fashion be damned!