A sudden break-up is a difficult event for anyone to digest
“Always close one door before you open another.” We have all heard this saying at some point in our lives. This is what closure is at its core…
Closure is defined as the act of putting an end to a situation. In respect to a relationship, it gives two people a chance to wrap up their feelings for good. I cannot emphasise how important it is to move on after a break-up. You will realise you have achieved closure when you are truly comfortable letting this person go from your life. The process of healing is ongoing and for most of us takes an extended period of time, however, closure acts as a catalyst to expediting this healing process.
There are two broad categories of finding closure; the ideal way would be to talk to your partner, but if you’re not on speaking terms with them, you can find closure within yourself instead.
Here are 10 ways to find closure:
10 Ways to find closure after a painful break-up
- Give yourself time to process what has happened: A sudden break-up is a difficult event for anyone to digest. Don’t rush into trying to get over your partner overnight and getting back to your routine like nothing happened. Instead give yourself time to heal and fully complete the process of hurting.
- Reflect on your relationship: It is very easy to blame yourself or your partner for your relationship going south, however, real maturity lies in sitting down with a clear mind and reflecting on your relationship to realise what things you did right and what needs to be changed or improved in the future.
- Do something symbolic: This may sound a bit crazy but it works! Do something symbolic like take their picture and burn it, write a letter to them stating exactly how you feel and shred it, or take any of their belongings that you still have and give them away. It doesn’t sound like much, but once you have done something symbolic, you will feel a sense of joy from within.
- Talk to family or a friend or seek professional help: Humans need to vent about life situations and a break-up is no different. Talk to someone you’re comfortable with, maybe family or a friend. Their input will give you a clearer picture of what happened, and you will have a chance to reflect while thinking out loud. If you want a completely objective point of view then talk to a counsellor or a therapist. It will definitely make you happier and put your mind at ease.
- Talk to your partner: This is the ideal way to find closure, although most people are not fortunate enough to have this opportunity. Ask them to explain why things reached the point where they needed to end it. Sit and discuss your relationship with them. Once you have answers to your questions, moving on will be easier.
- Do things that give you a sense of happiness and peace: It’s time to start thinking about yourself. Do whatever makes you happy. Revisit an old hobby or take up a new one. Go shopping or pamper yourself at a spa. Do whatever it takes to take your mind off the pain and negativity and focus on a more positive activity.
- Write about how you feel: From personal experience, I can say that writing always helps when you’re down. Sometimes just sitting and reflecting may not give you the desired outcome. However, writing gives clarity to your thoughts and helps you understand what happened in the past and how you could approach things in the future.
- Have a change of scenery: Surroundings play a crucial role especially when you’re feeling low. A change of scenery, away from your partner, can really do wonders for you. I understand that it’s not feasible for most people to drop everything and leave just like that, however changing something small in your current environment – like decor details or rearranging the furniture – will also help you feel better and more positive.
- Start working out: Working out keeps you fit and also helps release happy hormones. Join the gym, go jogging or start playing a sport. Being fit will not only increase your self-confidence but also releases the happy hormones which make you feel much better.
- Disconnect from your partner: Of course you can be friends with your ex but in order for that to happen, there needs to be a cooling-off period after a break-up. Disconnect completely from your partner; no calls, messages or social media stalking. Refrain from going to places or events where you will bump into them, at least for some time. Less is more – in this case the less you know about their whereabouts and what they’re up to in their lives, the easier it will be for you to get over the pain and move on.
Letting go of the sadness and pain is the first step towards being happy. It takes a lot of will and motivation to get over a break-up and to finally move on. However, with time and dedication, you will become comfortable with whatever happened and realise that it happened for the best.
We humans tend to underestimate how strong we are and although the pain will take time to fade, you will emerge as a stronger and more experienced individual. Don’t be disheartened if this relationship didn’t work out for you, don’t be overwhelmed by the pain; remember, the joy of being in love is worth the pain that comes with it.
This article was first published on Unwritten.