Dear Annie

Iâ??m a 31-year-old mother of almost three, about to be married at the end of April 2014.

My concern is that recently my fiancé and I had a huge fight, and Iâ??m still not intimate with him as a result.

On the 1st of January I found out how extra friendly he is with my gay friends. He tells me itâ??s nothing to worry about and that heâ??s just being friendly and I told him on numerous occasions that I donâ??t like it.

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He was touchy with them. However Iâ??m just worried that Iâ??m about to marry a womaniser because he always has this friendly way with some people and Iâ??m always worried. Iâ??m five months pregnant with our second child, my third.

He doesnâ??t have a permanent job. He works in a barber shop which I also have a problem with, as we are about to move on to a higher level and that money wonâ??t sustain us.

Please advise.

Dear Bettie

Thank you for your letter. You say that you and your fiancé had a huge fight. You have not been intimate since then and I assume it is not because he has bad B.O.

Clearly the issue, whatever it is, has not been resolved

It would seem that this may be a pattern in your relationship, as you mention other issues that have not been resolved.

New Yearâ??s day seemed to coincide with the same time that you were just recovering from the three months toilet bowl view stage of your pregnancy. Finally coming up for air, you discover that your fiancé has got all touchy-feely with your gay friends. Now you are concerned that he may be a womaniser.

Letâ??s pause there for a moment. Does he know that your friends are gay? If he is not a womaniser should we be asking if he is a closet-lesbian-wannabe? I am not speaking from experience, but I would imagine that gay girls donâ??t want guys to get touchy-feely with them, so I am wondering about your gay friends â?? are they really your friends and are they really gay?

Pre-marriage is normally the idealistic, dream stage of how your life is going to be

Life will happen once you are married and you realise how much hard work marriage is. Because you love each other so much, you will tackle the hurdles together to succeed.

Your pre-marriage stage sounds more like the 10-years-down-the-line-I-am-so-disillusioned stage

It is great to enter a marriage with realistic ideals and expectations. This ensures that when you collide with reality you donâ??t have far to go. Realistic expectations, however, are not the same as disillusionment and settling for less.

Why do you want to get married?

Finding yourself with children on the outside of marriage may not be the ideal for you. Having a good husband to partner with you along the journey will ensure a sweeter ride. Having a bad husband along for the ride will make the constant whiny voices of a dozen children asking, â??Are we there yet?â? sound like a heavenly choir.

You are not happy about your husband having a temporary job at the barber shop. I am guessing that it is not just because you donâ??t get to have the benefit of him styling your hair after your morning coffee. You are seeking financial security for yourself and your children.

Are you and your fiancé on the same page in the dreams-for-my-life book?

If you have expectations for your life that include him playing a specific role, you may be in for a disappointment if that is not the chapter that he is reading.

Having a heart-to-heart with him about dreams and goals will help clarify the choices to make to lead you down the road that will bring you happiness.

You are beautiful!
Love and blessings
Annie