Hi Annie

My husband started experimenting with male sex three years ago (we were living together, and not married yet). I am 57 and had never been married before.

I discovered what he was up to, found another place and dropped the bomb on him two weeks prior to leaving â?? he was so busy â??experimentingâ? with all these willing young horny men, that he did not even notice all the packing going on!

I wrote him a very long letter that was composed over a period of weeks, explaining what I was experiencing and why I was leaving. He was dumbstruck, but had to accept and needless to say he got ugly and angry.

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Long story short, eight months later, lots of promises that that â??phaseâ? is something of the past, I moved back â?? duh!

Things lasted three months and he was at it again. We worked through it â?? so I thought. We went for counselling together and the guy had him in a corner and eventually, after at first lying about what he was up to, he admitted it.

He has been over-gymming this past week and I have my doubts about what goes on there

I was supposed to go out with a friend, but she felt ill and we cancelled. He let this guy know that wife stymied his plans â?? â??women!â? and is serious, will see him tomorrow.

So I confronted him. Well, angst kicked in, because I thought he was going to physically attack me in anger â?? he retaliated immediately denying anything of the kind and refused to talk to me.

I allowed him to cool off and then went to ask him why he is doing this, and he physically pushed me out of the room â?? refusing to talk to me as he was so angry and kept saying that he is not doing anything!

It is all there on his phone in sms messages

He told me last time we spoke, about him watching these male porn sites, that it is â??normalâ? and what people do. He listens to talk radio when on the road, and Dr. Eve is his big guru – whatever she says is right.

He uses her discussions about sexuality as acceptable behaviour and I must â??lighten upâ? and do stuff that he needs to please him and that there is nothing wrong with it.

You think there is any hope of him being rehabilitated?

My 80-year-old mom also lives with us and I am afraid it will be the final nail in her coffin if I have to inform her that we are moving again, because of the same problem as before! I had to tell her because what other reason could I have for moving so suddenly?

I am looking forward to hearing your input in this bizarre situation.

Susan
(letter shortened)

Dear Susan

Thank you for your letter. Even though you discovered that your fiancé was experimenting with same-sex interludes, you decided to go ahead and marry him.

It seems that you were really hoping that it was just a phase that he was going through, which would pass. I am not sure how old your husband is, but I would assume that any sexual discovery should have been made in puberty.

Your husband is being unfaithful to you

Whether it is with Jack or Jackie, he is being unfaithful to you. What he is doing is the same as if you go off with the butcher, the baker or the candlestick maker. He has betrayed his vows of being faithful to you.

I am sure that doctor Eve has explained the smorgasbord of STDâ??s that he can sign up for as part of his extra-marital package deal. Unlike a TV licence, these can be passed on to all users, including you, free of charge

It would seem that he wanted to stay married to you and so even agreed to go to counselling with you. Judging from his response in counselling, I am not sure how committed he was to the process and how much he was going just to appease you.

Now the man is over-gyming. All the couch potatoes out there are knowingly shaking their heads in agreement right now: too much gym can only spell trouble.

When you confronted him recently he responded by justifying his behaviour and even trying to make you feel guilty by telling you to lighten up and do things to please him. It sounds to me like he is telling you that he is not willing to change and it is in fact you that needs to change.

I suspect that if you begin to grow a winky, you will have a good chance of pleasing him. I strongly advise against this if you are in the habit of accessorising a lot, as the look will probably be over-kill.

Failing this, you will need to accept that you never be able to satisfy your husband.

You may be able to cook up a storm and keep your home running beautifully, but the job description for that is housekeeper and any number of woman can be paid to do this. If your husband wanted a wife and that is what you signed up for, you have been duped by false advertising.

I trust that as you stay true to what you know you deserve, you will find peace and happiness.

You are beautiful!
Love and blessings
Annie