A relationship has both content and context, and it is usually the content that causes you trouble.

This is where you focus your efforts and attempt to â??fixâ? what is wrong

You try to modify behaviours, get your partner to act in a way that you prefer, but ultimately discover that this is impossible. While behaviour changes for a little while, things always go back to the way they were. You canâ??t force a seed to grow.

Behaviours are often automatic and inherent as to where the person is in life

Ask the person if they want to behave that way, and they will usually say no, it is almost as if they are helpless but to behave the way they behave.

So what can you do? Create an environment, a context, in which growth can happen and your relationship can become superb.

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So what would that environment look like?

To return to the seed analogy, you know that to interfere with the seed wonâ??t encourage growth. You wouldnâ??t keep digging it up to take a look.

So an environment that is interfering, in other words driven by fear, is not going to be an environment in which the relationship can grow.

Bad behaviour is usually resistance offered in response to interference

Give love and allow growth

Ensuring that the seed gets enough water and sunlight is usually all it takes for a seed to start growing, so the right environment for a healthy relationship will be one where love is given and growth is permitted.

Bad behaviour is usually resistance offered in response to interference

This is not to say that you should permit destructive behaviour, but you should allow the other person the freedom to be who they are, and not who you would like them to be. Then your relationship will be free to grow, and become what you need.