Dear Annie

Iâ??ve been with my boyfriend for ten years and we have two daughters together. Heâ??s a good father to them and generally a good person and I couldnâ??t ask for a better father for my kids.

When I fell pregnant last year with our second child, he left me and said he was not ready to have another child

Throughout my pregnancy we never spoke. The only conversations we had during that time was by text, when we were communicating about our eldest daughter.

Only when our youngest daughter was five months, did he develop any interest in her. I think the reason for this was that people whoâ??d seen the child always mentioned to him that sheâ??s his identical â??twinâ?.

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He then came over and asked to see the baby. I was beyond livid! I wouldnâ??t let him see her and wanted to keep her as far away from him as possible â?? because he had decided to write her off.

My mother eventually talked me into letting him see her and told me to â??Give him a long rope to hang himselfâ?. From seeing her he then decided that we should give our relationship a second chance, but he did not even apologise for what he put me through.

Then he dropped a bomb – he wanted to do blood tests to check the paternity of our kids

Stupid me – I forgave him eventually – and then he dropped a bomb – he wanted to do blood tests to check the paternity of our kids. He said after that, we should settle down and get married and he promised that we wanted to get married, not only because of positive blood test results but because he loves me.

I then agreed, because I do love him very much and I want a home for my kids even though I know thatâ??s no reason to get married.

Since those conversations, which were in June, nothing has changed in our relationship

Yes he sees his kids every single day, and does what a father has to do for them, I give him that. All he tells me is to be patient; that he doesnâ??t want to take out a loan to marry and that he wants to do it properly.

I donâ??t know if I’m being stupid for believing him or if this is just one of his stunts to keep me

We are not young anymore but I feel that our relationship has been at the same level since we started dating 11 years ago.

Should I give up or be patient like heâ??s asked? I feel like Iâ??ve wasted 10 years of my life with him, but then again Iâ??m happy he has given me two beautiful kids.

Many thanks
Teva

Dear Teva

Thank you for your letter. Ten years is a long time to be in a relationship and you could be expecting diamonds at your anniversary had you tied the knot. I get why youâ??re mad.

It must have been devastating for you to have him leave you when you fell pregnant the second time. He was happy to poke fun at you so to speak, but when it got serious and you fell pregnant, he was out of there.

We all know that it takes two to tango and make a baby

How convenient that he gets to opt out of the consequence of his actions because he doesnâ??t feel ready for it, while you spend the next nine months growing a human being.

After being knee-deep in spit, puke and diapers for five months, he shows up to view the superior DNA specimen that he has produced, but not before blood proof thereof.

If the baby looks just like him, was that not proof enough?

Nevertheless, now he has the proof and has been with you, when it suited him, for ten years. He is not ready to marry you just yetâ?¦.well you donâ??t want to rush into these things. I guess he wants to get to know you first. Oh no, wait.

In all fairness, perhaps he has had commitment issues but he is now ready to settle down with you and the girls. That being said, is money for a my-big-fat-Greek-wedding the only thing standing in your way?

I guess he wants to get to know you first. Oh no, wait…

After ten years of being together and two babies later, is that kind of wedding still what you have in mind? Surely an intimate wedding with family and friends is an affordable and more appropriate option?

Perhaps you need to look at your options and decide what would be different for you if he never marries you. Will you break up with him? Would you want to find another man to marry? How would that work with your girls? I wonder how different things will be for you if you do marry this man? What will change?

As you answer these questions for yourself, I trust that you will find the security that you are looking for.

You are beautiful!
Love and blessings
Annie