Agony Aunt Annie offers advice to a reader who was left at the altar, and is still with this partner…

Hi Annie
My name is Sharnette. Iâ??ve been in a relationship for three years now.
We were supposed to get married the very first year we started dating, but he dropped me on my wedding day. I think that was because he just had gotten out of a five-year relationship and then got involved with me.

We have a baby girl together. Recently I have been fighting with him all the time, about everything. Iâ??m afraid that Iâ??m falling out of love with him and I donâ??t want to lose him.

I really need to talk to somebody before I lose my mind and then I will regret leaving him. I always try to talk to him about our problems, but talking never helps as we just end up back in an argument .
I would rather prefer to talk to you over the phone. Alll I want is advice from somebody/anybody just to put my heart at peace. Please help me: I have a long story so typing it will not work for me.
Much thanks and kindest regards

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Sharnette
Dear Sharnette
Thank you for your letter. Although I am not able to respond to you telephonically, I can do so in writing.

I understand that there is a lot of history that you have not been able to tell me, but letâ??s talk about what you have shared with me.
Normally relationships end when a groom stands the bride up at the altar

I think most of those grooms come to some mysterious demise – I am sure completely coincidentally – and neither the bride, nor her father, or her brothers should be implicated in any way.

Your groom not only survived standing you up, but is still with you! Two years have passed and he still has not been able to make the long walk down the aisle.
You say that he was previously in a five-year relationship. I wonder why that ended?

Is it possible that she grew tired of no commitment? Have you considered why it is that you want to marry this man?

Having a child together is certainly not reason enough to marry

While families with mothers and fathers living together are the ideal, studies show that children thrive far more when parents are living happily separate, than if they were living unhappily together.
You say that you have been fighting with him all the time, about everything. I am wondering what he does while you fight with him? Is he taking peaceful yoga breaths while he serenely looks at you, or is he fighting right back?
Why are you afraid that you are falling out of love with him?

Before you have to search for both your lost mind and your lost lover, are you sure that you even like the man? Can you step back from the relationship for a moment and consider what attracted you to the man in the beginning?

Trials and tribulations that you have both faced have revealed his character to you

What do you see? Is he kind, honourable and easy to respect? Is he committed to loving you and working on your relationship? Is he the man that you would like to grow old with?
If you tick yes to all the above and decide that your relationship is worth fighting for, you need to know that he is on the same page as you.

If so, then perhaps it is time to consider counselling, where you can both learn to communicate effectively and be better equipped to face your issues together.
While a man of poor character should be tossed back in the sea, a good man is worth fighting for!
You are beautiful!
Love and blessings
Annie