Agony Aunt Annie offers advice to a widower who is ready for a relationship, but fears his daughter won’t accept his new partner.
I have been widower just on a year now. I am a male of 62 years old. I have one daughter only who is 23 years old.
I met someone about three months back who is very loving and caring. She has been a widow for many years.
She has two married sons, I have met them and they accept and like me as their motherâ??s companion. I, however have a very difficult task of revealing my status to my daughter.
This is simply because, after some months when her mom (my late wife) of many years passed away, suddenly my daughter thinks that every woman I talk to or friend I have, I am having a relationship with them!
I need to reveal to her that I have met this lady and that I wish to take the relationship further, as my daughter seems very possessive, and even becomes abusive at times when she hears of a woman befriending me!
I plan to tell her on or after Fatherâ??s Day this weekend 16th (thought itâ??s appropriate timing), but donâ??t know how to approach the subject, since she has been difficult understanding the situation.
I do realise that losing her mom was not easy, and time heals. But we need to move on with our lives.
Kindly assist if possible, as soon as possible, as I do not want her to find out from a third party or other family members who may find out.
Thanks & regards,
Thank you for your letter. It is good to know that men are reading our column and are pro-actively equipping themselves for building successful relationships!
Losing your life partner is tragic and your life will never be the same again
Grief can be described as walking around a huge gaping hole in your life. While for some the pain overwhelms them for a long time, others learn to eventually walk a little further away from the hole. The process of grieving is different for everyone and one cannot put a time frame on it.
Judging from the age of your daughter it sounds like you were married for a long time
I can imagine that you would feel very lonely with suddenly not having a companion. Meeting someone who has also experienced the same loss that you have can bring very realistic expectations to the new relationship as you both would be able to empathise with the other person missing their partner without feeling threatened by it.
A man who expresses that he is missing his ex-girlfriend can certainly not expect the same level of sympathy!
It is understandable that as you have grieved and healed that you will feel ready to move on to another relationship. It may help you to understand your daughterâ??s reluctance for you to do this when you consider that, although you may love again and even have another wife, she may heal but will never have another mother.
As she desperately tries to hold on to the memory of her mother, she may feel that you are already discarding that by being in a relationship with a new woman.
While I am sure that you want to support your daughter in her grief, it would not be wise to do this at the expense of your happiness. Your daughter is going to move on with her life and probably have a husband and a family of her own.
Can you ask your daughter what her reservations are about you being involved with another woman? Does she feel that you are forgetting or dishonouring her mother? Is she concerned with the financial implications of a new relationship?
If you are currently supporting her, she could feel insecure about how this will be affected. Perhaps she feels that she may lose you too if you have a new relationship.
Discovering your daughter’s concerns and fears will enable you to address those and show you how to best support her as she grieves the loss of her mother.
Both you and your daughter deserve to be happy!
You are Beautiful!
Blessings and Love