Agony Aunt Annie offers advice to a reader who wants to know how to break free from a man who’s just using her…
My name is Hlompho Ramorakane, a young lady aged 24. I have been seeing this man for the past six years. As his other woman.
Well, we dated for the first eight months, then he dumped me without a valid reason, other than that he didn’t love me anymore and wasn’t happy.
He’s dated this girl for four years now, I hate it. It hurts me. He hurts me. Their relationship hurts me. He’s been telling me he’ll leave her and we’ll be together but it’s been, well, six years.
He makes me feel awful, unpretty, unwanted, devalued and I think he’s just using me for sex. Deep down I know he doesn’t love me: I know he loves her.
What can I do to get out of this?
I look forward to your reply.
Thank you for your letter. Six years is a long time to be in a relationship!
At this point of the letter I am wanting to sing : “50 ways to leave your lover…hit the road Jack and don’t you come back no more, no more…”
You are clearly unhappy and frustrated that this relationship is going nowhere
From your letter, it seems that when you got involved with this man you knew that there was already another woman. Nothing has changed six years later.
You are still making the same choices, but, somehow, hoping for a different outcome.
A different outcome requires different choices!
After six years you can be sure that he is comfortable with the status quo. Why do you think that he may change his mind? It sounds like his bread is buttered on both sides!
Would you change that if you were him? Seems like his choices are working well for him and, from his point of view, it must be a pretty sweet deal!
I am sure that you have heard it being said that what we put out there is what we attract
Think of it like this: we all sew together a jacket that we wear every day for all to see. We weave that jacket together with all the things that people, circumstances and experiences have taught us about ourselves and what we have come to believe is true.
Have a look at your jacket. What have you come to believe about yourself that has told you that you only qualify to play the role of the other woman?
Why do you think that you should accept part of a man? Is that all that you are capable of getting?
The arrangement with your boyfriend can only keep working if you keep believing that what you are currently getting is all that you deserve. Maybe it is time to examine what your jacket has been woven of?
Can you ditch the old jacket and start wearing a new one, woven from the truth of who you are? When you have found your true identity and worth of who you are, based on how your maker defines you, rather than on what men say about you, you will wear a jacket that will attract good relationships to you.
You are beautiful!
Love and Blessings