Last updated on Jun 10th, 2021 at 04:53 pm

It is not always easy letting go of a relationship … even a bad one!

We are all products of our past, and we’ve all had some pretty nasty experiences when it comes to relationships. Some worse than others.
 
Personally I have been lied to, cheated on, manipulated and made a complete fool of. Yet, guess what? I went back. Every time. Why? I always put it down to the fact that the good times were so good. I reminded myself of the special times shared. I knew the good in him and I loved him. I still do even though we are no longer together. I am angry about all the damage and hurt that has been caused.

Some days, when I think back, I get infuriated. How could I have been so stupid?! Other days I am grateful for the wonderful moments and memories. It took me nearly 10 years to finally walk away. I have to admit though, that there are days when I have my doubts. Things had started to look up. He had bought a house for us. He said he had his head around ‘the idea of marriage’ and that he didn’t want anyone else to be the mother of his kids.
 
It just never seemed to happen though. He bought me the most beautiful and expensive jewellery but never an engagement ring. We would start ‘trying for a baby’ and then he would just stop sleeping with me for months at a time. He went as far as telling me sex didn’t feel like a joy anymore because it was all about making a baby. (Gee thanks! I thought we had agreed to make a baby?!)
 
I have accumulated so much baggage (unfortunately not Gucci!) over the years. I am actually not sure that I will know how to function in a normal relationship. What is a normal relationship anyway? I know I have built huge walls around me. I am terrified of letting myself love again. I almost feel sorry for the next man who comes my way because I am in such a weird head space when it comes to relationships.
 
I decided to go online and see if I could find some useful advice. I read through a lot of stuff. The very best came from Dr. Phil. I am printing it out and sticking it in my diary for 2011. I  thought I would share some of the best parts with you.
 
Dr Phil:
Don’t wait around because you think he’s going to change. The best predictor of future behaviour is relevant past behaviour, so the chance that he’s going to ride in on his white horse and do the right thing is pretty slim. Dr. Phil explains, “To the extent that there’s some history, you don’t have to speculate, you just have to measure.”
Don’t put your life on hold. Every minute you spend focusing on your ex is a minute that’s holding you back from a better future. Dr. Phil tells his guest, “As long you are obsessed with this guy, you will never put your heart, soul and mind into getting your life in order and starting another relationship if you want one.” Set some goals and start putting your life back together.
Don’t invest more than you can afford to lose. While it’s important to move forward, you need to take things one step at a time. Don’t put so much out there that you’ll be emotionally bankrupt if things go south.
Listen to what he’s saying. If he’s telling you that you want different things out of life and there’s no way you can work as a couple, don’t turn his words around into what you want to hear. He’s being quite clear.
Know the statistics. Dr. Phil tells a guest who’s waiting for her ex to come around: “There’s a 50/50 chance a marriage is going to work if both people are head over heels in love, passionate and willing to climb the mountain, swim the river and slay the dragon to get to each other. That’s with everybody crazy in love and running toward each other in that field that we see in the commercials. The problem you’ve got here is he’s running the other way in the field! So if it’s 50/50 when you’re running toward each other, what do you think it is when the other person is running out of the field and hiding in the woods?”
FROM THE SHOW
Letting Go of Love
 
Would love to hear from you, Have you been through a similar experience and have you got any good advice to share with me and other readers? 

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