Last updated on Jun 10th, 2021 at 04:54 pm

… he could be a psychopath, writes Twanji Kalula

In recent months my Facebook timeline has been filled with red hearts proclaiming people getting engaged and pictures of people getting married.

Thus, it came as no surprise to me when a friend confessed that she felt like she had missed the boat and feels destined to die alone. â??Where is this alleged Prince Charming?â? she asked.
She was expressing a fear that many single women have; never finding a decent guy to consider partnering and procreating with. While I felt like her woes were pretty standard for many women her age, there was one thing she said that alarmed me a little: she is looking for someone who was â??charmingâ??.

Charming or manipulative?
About a year ago I took part in an act that I will not attempt to justify. I watched Oprah, and it moved me. On this particular episode she had personal safety expert Gavin de Becker on, and he said something I wonâ??t easily forget.

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In response to the fact that we always refer to the ideal man as charming, he said that being charming is a form of being manipulative.
At face value I rejected this notion â?? after all, charming guys are really nice guys. He elaborated, â??Snakes get charmed,â? and then his message clicked.

Being charming is all about being smart and calculating, fooling others into a false sense of security. Once charmed, one is hypnotised and pliable. These psychos lurk among us.

Charmers prey on vulnerable women

I recently watched a disturbing documentary on paedophiles, and I must say that they are the most endearing, charming personalities. In addition, they all preyed on unassuming victims who were ripe for the picking. De Becker is spot on.

Many of my female friends have done their fair share of dabbling with psychotic men. In hindsight, what all these men had in common was that they were charming. Hell, I even liked most of them at first. To be manipulated, you have to be vulnerable, and all these women were definitely willing to take whatever they could get at the time.
The even bigger problem is that even when they discovered that Prince Charming was actually the Prince of Darkness, many of them opted to stay.

While some women leave when the lies theyâ??ve been sold begin to unravel, many stay out of hope that he will revert back to the charmer he was. This can lead to hectic mind games, various forms of abuse, severe violence and even death.

Too good to be true?
The old adage applies, if it is too good to be true, it probably is. So when you have met your Prince Charming, please peek beyond your blinkers, and make sure that he is in fact the real deal.

Watch out for red flags, and when you see the non-negotiable ones, take your heart and run.
Have you encountered a psychopath disguised as a charming prince? Tell us in the comments section below.

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