Last updated on Jun 10th, 2021 at 04:54 pm

We all have standards – and rightly so! But is it possible that this dating ‘shopping list’ is actually an impediment to our happiness?

When embarking on a relatively new relationship, the time comes to meet each otherâ??s entourages. I recently met one of my significant otherâ??s long lost friends and he said something that got me thinking.

Remarking on the interracial dynamic of our relationship he whispered, “I also find black people attractive,” to my ‘special friend’. Iâ??m not going to bore you with race-related ramblings, as I donâ??t believe that issues of prejudice or celebrating ‘negrophilia’ underpinned the statement.

It was really just about the fact that he, like most people, has a very fixed set of rules about the kind of people heâ??s ‘allowed’ to date. Like many, he found the dynamic of our relationship so jarring that he felt the need to say something vaguely supportive.

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The problem with dating prerequisites
When it comes to dating most people have a list of prerequisites. I file mine under the term, ‘non-negotiables’. These rules encompass serious requirements like marital status and sexual orientation, as well as trivial things like height, weight, race, and hairline-recession status.

New York-based dating blogger and author Nando Rodriguez asks a very pertinent question, “Who are you not dating?” With all these minor items on that wish list youâ??re walking around with, are you missing out on the great guy who is an inch too short, or that guy who is 3kg away from being your hunk of love?
Give Mr Possibly-Right a chance
When it comes to these standards, our more judgmental friends can unwittingly become our worst enemies. How many times have you decided not to give Mr Possibly-Right a chance because your friends think he is funny looking, or not good enough?

Ultimately you want to date someone who is a good person, and who adds value to your life. Your perfect match could be in a different package from what you expect, and if youâ??re too narrow-minded to try out a new flavour, youâ??ll never taste it.
The challenge

Spring is on its way, and single men are about to emerge in droves from their hibernation. The good news is that these cats will be primed for some good summer loving.
If your current methods arenâ??t working, it may be time to re-examine your ‘deal-breaker list’ and compromise. Contrary to what the fashion magazines may say, the must-have accessory this season is not a new pair of confidence-boosting undies or designer sunglasses, but an open mind.

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