Detaching from your partner doesn’t mean loving them any less

Detachment is a scary word for people in relationships. It insinuates that if one partner is detached from the other, it means their relationship is on a downward path. However, it’s just the opposite.

In its true essence, detachment means shifting our focus from our partners to ourselves. It may sound selfish, but it’s a key way to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

Until you’re happy from within, you will never be able to maintain a healthy relationship.

Detaching from your partner doesn’t mean loving them any less. It just means being independent enough to make peace with how they are and what they do. I am sure you still may be thinking about how detachment is the ultimate pleasure, so here are seven ways to prove it:

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1. Less worrying

When you get detached from your partner, you stop continuously thinking about what they are doing what they shouldn’t be doing and worrying a lot less about it. You will, in fact, channel that energy to be able to do the things that make you happy and in turn being energised to give your relationship more attention and care.

2. More accepting

Since detachment will help you worry less, it will also make you more accepting of things you cannot control. Some things will just not change until your partner wants it to change, either for them or for you. Either way, detaching yourself will make you more accepting of the realities of life.

It will teach you that you cannot control people and situations especially if they don’t involve you. It will help you learn the important lesson of letting go – thereby letting you create space for something better in life.

Detachment in its real sense is not the absence of love, but instead the ability to take care of yourself amidst someone else’s choices

3. Better focus

If you stop wasting time dwelling on what could have happened, you will have a lot more time to focus on things that make you happy and excited. The only person you can control is yourself. So, logically it makes more sense to turn your focus inwards.

4. Be able to love more

Detachment reduces worry and stress and thereby increases mental peace and happiness in a person’s life. This, in turn, translates into a more positive and giving relationship that you will build with your partner.

5. Less needy

Attachment makes a person needy, and for a while, it may be cute and adorable. But after that, people need their individual space. By being independent and self-reliant, you can use your time wisely and do things that you want for yourself, leaving you ample time for things that make your relationship thrive as well.

6. Retain your individuality

In a new relationship, a couple always wants to be together. They act as if they are stuck to one another at the hip. However, once the relationship stabilises, it is crucial to retain your individuality away from your partner. Detachment helps you with that and gives you the satisfaction of being your own person. In every relationship two people change to accommodate each other. However, when one person makes all the changes to accommodate the relationship, it only creates resentment, which is never good for any relationship to sustain. Everything needs to be mutual.

7. Focus on the positives

Attachment forces you to focus on the negatives whereas detachment helps you look at the positives. It helps you take a step back and see the strengths of your partner rather than continuously try to replay their weaknesses in your mind. It eliminates expectations you’ve unconsciously created for your partner, thereby appreciating whatever your partner does for you.

Life is ever-changing. The time we spend focusing on things that we cannot control is wasted time. It is crucial that we master the art of detachment in order to have more fulfilling relationships and lives. It is often wrongly termed as a negative emotion, but it really isn’t.

Detachment in its real sense is not the absence of love, but instead the ability to take care of yourself amidst someone else’s choices.

This article was first published on Unwritten.