If you desire a relationship and want to make the dating process easier, you should learn to change the way you think about it

To love and be loved are among the natural desires that human beings have. Being in a relationship is like being in the safest place in which one can really express the love and the reason why your pursuit of it seems like trying to complete your homework; you chase after it since you can’t help but imagine how lovely the idea is to love and be able to receive same love back!

However, being afraid to enter a relationship can also be inevitable at times. One paradox is that as much as people want to be in love, and be loved, they fear it at the same time. Most single men and women never get to enjoy dating because they are afraid of getting hurt.

That’s how it is, the thought about rejection, embarrassment, desperation, longing, pity and painful insecurity in the past and the idea of facing it again keep many individuals single.

But if you desire a relationship and want to make the dating process easier, you should learn to change the way you think about it.

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Below are some negative thoughts you’re probably having about dating, and may explain the reason why you’re single:

1. I’ll be cheated on

Bear in mind: everyone is a unique individual. Don’t devour yourself with the idea that everyone around you is a cheater.  If you get cheated once, twice, or many times, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll be cheated on over and over again. Remember that if your past relationships have only given you so much ache, the future still awaits and will eventually erase all the pain you’ve been through. You’ll be healed in the most perfect time and you’ll be filled with love once more as you find the one.

As cliché as it may seem, you should love yourself first before you love somebody else

2. I won’t be able to find love

The thing is that there is a cover for every pot. You are for someone and someone is for you. You don’t need to discover love as it will find its own way to you. The key is to be interested in the possibility that it exists. How will you be able to discover something when you don’t even believe its existence in the first place? What you need to do is trust that love does exist for you and know that with the right attitude, accompanied with right action, you will soon find love.

3. The person I like won’t like the real me

As cliché as it may seem, you should love yourself first before you love somebody else. Being able to find a significant other is not something that will complete you as a person. You must fill yourself with love so you would never need everyone else’s validation and approval that you deserve to be loved. Just how can you accept someone’s love if you, yourself, don’t believe you are worthy of the love?

Once you gain your self-love, that’s the time you can open yourself to be loved by somebody else. As you do, don’t try to hide a thing or two about you. Be yourself. Stop pretending to be somebody else you are not.

4. I’ve tried everything

With regard to dating, you haven’t done everything. That’s the truth. You’ve probably done everything that doesn’t work but you haven’t done the things that do work. The key to effective dating is somewhat spontaneity of actions and it all starts with following instincts.

Go out of your room, leave your desk in your office at lunch time, start a little conversation with that stranger, do things if you feel like it. Most of the time, when you ignore those instincts of yours, you’ve missed the possibilities to meet the right people.

This article was first published on Unwritten.