Date like you did in the beginning and the passion won’t end
Couples who don’t do date nights don’t prioritise their time together. The kids, work, and everything else take precedence, and their relationship slowly erodes.
If you do nothing to improve your relationship, your relationship will get worse over time.
When asked why they’re not dating, couples come up with three excuses:
The three excuses for why you’re not dating your partner
1. We don’t have enough time!
No, you just value spending your time on things other than the passion of your relationship. All of us have to make sacrifices by choosing one thing over another.
As Mark Mason puts it, “No, You Can’t Have it All.”
A 75-year study on what makes a good life proves that the way to live a meaningful life is not fame or wealth, but by having meaningful relationships. And meaningful long-lasting relationships are cultivated by two people committing to each other.
Commitment to your partner enables you more freedom because you’re not distracted by looking where the grass is greener. Instead, you are focused on making your current lawn lusciously green. It is this investment in your relationship that allows you to go to the depth that the gold of love is discovered.
2. We don’t have the money for a fancy restaurant
One of my favourite date nights with my partner is getting frozen yoghurt. It doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive. It only has to be with your partner.
If you’re struggling with having the money for a date, get creative!
Remember when you could talk for hours and never got tired of learning new things about each other? This doesn’t have to end…
3. We want to do different things
Of course you do. You’re different people. Take this opportunity to push each other to do things you normally wouldn’t do. This may require some negotiating.
In Stan Tatkin’s book Wired for Dating, he talks about how his wife Tracey wanted to go to her favourite spot for a drink, while Stan wanted to see a new movie. While Stan is not a fan of just going out for drinks, Tracey prefers to emotionally connect and feels that having a drink together is a perfect way to do that.
So they went to the movie and then talked about it over drinks. While this is a simple example, it shows that your partner’s desire can be an opportunity to learn something new about both of you. It’s your responsibility to find something interesting in the thing you are doing with them, not theirs.
Ask questions, explore why they enjoy it, and find delight in their joy.
The skills of great dating
Try something new + learn something new about your partner + intentional together time = Great date
Couples often settle into the relationship and take each other for granted. When fun and novelty fall to the waste side, it can be toxic to a bond. By discovering fun activities that are interesting to both partners, you bring in new and different experiences that spark new levels of intimacy.
Additionally, a great date is built on expressing a real curiosity about your partner’s life.
Just because you sleep in the same bed every night doesn’t mean dating should end. Make dating a priority. Plan it. Prepare for it. Get excited about it!
Here’s how to do it:
- “Be Interested, not interesting:” 3 Everyone wants to feel valued and admired. Your ability to pay attention to the details of your partner’s life does this.
- Ask questions: Remember when you could talk for hours and never got tired of learning new things about each other? This doesn’t have to end. There are always new things to learn. Your partner’s inner world is always changing. You can do this by asking open-ended questions that lead to the heart, such as: What is a secret dream of yours? What and who are the most important things in your life right now? What is your biggest struggle?
- Focus with all your attention: Once your partner is talking, truly listen. That means no cell phones or other distractions. Don’t plan on the next thing you’re going to say. I like to imagine a conversation with my partner as getting a tour of her heart. I’m not sure where it’s going to go, and if I see something I’m curious about, I stop and ask my partner about it.
- Show responsiveness: It’s helpful to nod or mm-hmm to indicate to your partner that you’re truly listening.
The frequency of dates in a relationship is also important. If you only go out a few times a year, it’s simply not enough for long-lasting relationships. Dating has to happen often enough to become the norm of the relationship. Once a week, or even twice a month will do wonders, not only for the emotional connection but for the sexual connection as well.
Just because you sleep in the same bed every night doesn’t mean that dating should end. Make dating a priority. Plan it. Prepare for it. Get excited about it. Think of new places to go, new things to experience, and make romancing your partner a new normal in your relationship.
Court and seduce your lover with the same energy you had at the beginning of the relationship, and the fire of passion will continue to burn.
Original article first published on www.kylebenson.net. Read the full article here.