Last updated on Jun 21st, 2021 at 01:00 pm

Preconceived ideas about how life is supposed to be after marriage can leave many women disappointed and even depressed. This is due to the romantic ideas fostered in childhood otherwise known as the ‘fairytale complex’

By Dr Demartini – human behavior expert, author, teacher and founder of The Demartini Institute

Here are some tips on how to enjoy the ‘reality’ rather than longing for the ‘fairy tale’

1. Honour the significance of being a wife and mother

At one of my seminars, I had a woman approach me to let me know she was at a loss and could not see how she was able to achieve her dreams because she was ‘just a mother’. She failed to recognise the significance of being a wife and mother.

I was quick to tell her the story of Rose Kennedy who had a life mission of raising a family of world leaders. She recognised the value she could bring to the world by raising her children to be educated, confident and aware of the world around them.

By shifting your perceptions and honoring the significance of being a wife and mother, you increase your perceived self worth, sense of fulfillment and inspiration.

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2. Maintain a balance between your husband and your children

Marriage and children change the lives of both partners. Though the list of responsibilities may vary dramatically, it is important to see the value and contribution you both make to each other and to the family.

It is equally important to remember that, aside from being mum and dad, you have a relationship as two individuals.

It is important not to lose sight of the love that brought you together and to make time for each other as well as time for the children.

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3. Communicate in values

Every individual has a unique set of values or priorities in life. These values determine how they perceive the world and what they believe is most important in life. This applies to your partner and to your children.

If you are able to communicate in a person’s values and have them understand how your request will serve their values, you will find that they will be open and willing to do whatever you ask. This will alleviate tension and make the communication process much more fulfilling for you, your partner and your children.

4. Value your time

Focus on high priority items and prioritise your tasks. You will find yourself more productive and therefore lessen the pressure you may be putting yourself under.

Learn to love and appreciate yourself as you are and don’t buy into the idea that you need to be a ‘Supermum’

5. Allow yourself to ask for help

We all need a little help at times and there are always people, whether they are friends, family or paid help, willing to be there to fill in areas you are not able to do yourself.

Be willing to ask for help and enjoy the benefits of delegating lower priority tasks and the things you may not enjoy doing to others who are more inspired to fulfill them.

Is it okay that I don’t always like my kids?

6. Don’t sacrifice your dreams

You may be a wife and you may be a mother, but outside of that, you also have other goals, dreams and aspirations. Rather than buying into the idea of having to put these on hold, why not ask yourself how you can work on them all?

This is not about being a supermum or having to prove you simply can. It is about recognising there are other things you enjoy and love to do as an individual and doing what it takes to make time for these too.

7. Allow yourself to take a break

Make time for yourself, whether it is a day or just a few hours doing what you love to do. Giving more to yourself will mean you have more to give your husband and children.

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