Love yourself the most and decide what’s right for you and your happiness
There is usually no love without heartbreak, no love without hurt. It is a risk we take, hoping for the best, but understanding there are never guarantees. Love is not always easy. It requires effort and making a constant choice to be selfless, and there will be difficult times.
Relationships end for a myriad of reasons. Sometimes two people grow apart, and mutually decide to go their separate ways. That’s perhaps the most pleasant of reasons. But chances are if your heart was broken, your partner did something so extreme that the result was heartbreak. They may have cheated or told you they weren’t in love with you, even though you were clearly in love with them.
Whatever the case may be, sometimes after a heartbreak, especially if we’re not over it and still have valid feelings, we will take this partner back after they’ve apologised, told us how much they miss us, and how sorry they were.
Many things can happen when you take someone back after they’ve broken your heart, and you will cope in your own way, but awareness of these repercussions is key:
1. You will lack trust
Trust is the basis of a strong relationship. When it is gone, you’ve lost a fundamental building block of your relationship. Falling in love and giving your heart to another is vulnerability, and requires trust. In giving them your heart, you believe they won’t destroy it, that instead they will handle it with care. So when they break it, not only does it have the power to shatter you, especially if you never saw it coming, but your trust and faith in that person will be lost.
You may become sceptical if you take them back. You may question all their actions moving forward and never fully be secure in what they say.
Remember that trust is not given… it is earned. Once someone squanders it, it’s going to take time to rebuild, so in taking them back, just know that the road will be challenging.
2. You create a new standard of treatment and teach them it’s okay
By allowing the person who broke your heart to have another chance with it, you change your standards. Do not lower your standards and allow someone to treat you poorly once more just because you love them. It’s not going to be easy, but it is necessary for your own well-being and self-love.
You set the standard of what you will and will not allow for the way in which people treat you. You can say “no” and you can say “goodbye”. Do not become numb to your feelings by letting someone else carry on in their own way.
You owe it to yourself to expect them to prove they are worthy of your heart once more.
By allowing the person who broke your heart to have another chance with it, you change your standards
3. You silence your voice
Chances are that, if your heart was broken because your partner was cheating on you, they will constantly be on edge every time you ask them anything. This will cause conflict and they will project on you. You absolutely have a right to know things, to ask things, and to get honest answers.
That should be a solid factor in taking someone back after they’ve hurt you. If your partner has a problem with this, or refuses to answer, they are not fully committed to helping you heal from what they’ve done.
Granted, you cannot hold their indiscretions over their head in a powerful attempt to always make them feel guilty. But you also cannot be a doormat when they try to turn the tables and make themselves the victim. Full transparency is needed, and if you can’t be yourself and ask the questions because you think your partner will overreact, then you are silencing your voice. You are ignoring your truth, and you are getting sucked into what can become a toxic relationship.
4. Nothing will ever be the same
The truth is, nothing can ever be the same. When you are heartbroken so badly, you will go through many stages of grief in order to heal from that pain. You will have to get to a place of full self-love before you can open your heart again.
If you take them back, you may always be haunted by the ghosts of the past, especially if you never had closure when they broke your heart. More importantly, in going through the healing process, you will have changed, hopefully for the better. Don’t stifle your growth and take someone back just because they beg you to. Don’t excuse bad behaviour because they tell you everything you want to hear.
Their life is most definitely better with you in it, and you both know that. But determine what your life needs to be better. After all, you’ve healed from the hurt, and you deserve to move forward without the worry that they will put you through this again.
Love yourself the most and decide what’s right for you and your happiness. Never let anyone diminish your power, and never give access to your heart so freely to someone who’s broken it before.
You are better than that.
Katiuscia Maria is a Lupus Nephritis Warrior in her 5th year of remission and on a continuous healing journey. Her loves include writing, dogs, travel, food, fitness, life, and she puts the highest value on health.