Ex-boyfriends seem to have a knack for making a reappearance after breaking up with you, especially when you finally feel like you’re getting over the whole thing and are ready to move on with your life
When the man you were dating and fell in love with dumps you, it’s common to miss him and ask your friends, “Will he come back?”
Even when you have gone “no contact,” you may spend a decent amount of time reading relationship tips and strategising how to get your ex back and how to make him miss you.
Truth is, you don’t really need to bother because, as if breaking your heart once wasn’t enough, these men will come back into your life, woo you like they’ve never done before, only to have things end… again.
There are many reasons guys tend to do this, and understanding them can help you decide what to do when he suddenly reappears and you’re trying to figure out if he really loves you and you should get back together – or not.
If you’re wondering, “Will he come back?” after a guy’s broken up with, yes, men always come back, and here are five reasons to consider before making a decision about getting back with an ex:
1. He’s not sure he made the right decision
Many of us don’t have a clear understanding of what a healthy relationship looks like. We learn from our role models early on in life, and if our role models were parents who fought constantly or left at the first sign of conflict, we are likely to do the same in our own relationships as adults.
If a guy is used to the idea of running away from conflict, it may explain why he leaves every time the going gets tough. And the same goes for a guy who is always picking fights. He may have grown up with unrealistic or unhealthy expectations of relationships, so now alarm bells go off because his idea of a perfect relationship is one in which the couple never argues.
For many men who grew up thinking this way, it often feels easier to just leave. But when the dust settles and he starts missing you, he questions whether he made the right decision. This confusion is what prompts him to creep back into your life.
If that’s the case, it is unlikely that he’s trying to hurt you, but rather that he is truly confused about what to do.
2. There’s no one else he’s interested in
The grass is always greener on the other side… until you cross to the other side and realise it was just an optical illusion.
The grass is always greener on the other side… until you cross to the other side and realise it was just an optical illusion
Some men fear the loss of freedom when it comes to coupling, and they may take off when things get a little too intimate. Then, once he has the freedom to date whomever he chooses again, he may find that the other options just don’t compare with you.
And that’s when he might get back in touch with you, because he realises what he had with you really was too good a thing to ever let go.
3. He’s testing your limits
He may not be doing this on purpose, but if your ex regularly breaks up with you and comes back, it is likely he’s testing your boundaries to see what kind of behaviour you’ll tolerate.
For example, I know a woman whose boyfriend would break up with her right before going to big festivals or on lengthy trips, and then ask to get back together again as soon as he returned.
The guy isn’t completely to blame in this scenario. You teach people how you want to be treated. If you take an ex back after he’s repeatedly broken your heart, you’re letting him know you will accept his bad behaviour.
4. He feels guilty and wants to be reassured
Most people don’t mean to break your heart. That’s why an ex-boyfriend often feels guilty and tries to be your friend or stay in touch – he wants to make sure you’re fine.
They don’t necessarily realise that doing this is actually the worse thing they can do, because it means they inadvertently leave you hoping the two of you might get back together.
5. He regrets breaking up with you
Everyone makes mistakes. A guy who breaks your heart but comes back may be regretting his decision to end things. In fact, one study found that 43% of men regret breaking up with their partner.
It could be that the guy simply made an error in judgment. It happens.
When you’re dating, there’s no doubt some men might break your heart. What matters is how you deal with it.
Iona Yeung is a dating and relationship coach who works with single women to identify their roadblocks in dating, attract the good guys, and communicate from a space of love and clarity. Download her free mini course to Attract Healthy Love.
This article was first published on YourTango.