Last updated on Mar 12th, 2021 at 02:03 pm
Blame work, social obligations, household responsibilities or kids – even the most committed of couples can sometimes feel as if they are stuck in a rut
He’s tired and short-fused when he gets home from the office. You’re frazzled after a day spent trying to juggle work, kids and a never-ending to-do list.
Conversation that once flowed effortlessly is forced and business-like…
He’d rather stare at his phone, than talk to you – which doesn’t even bother you anymore, because all you want to do is hit the sack. And not for sex… because, who has energy for that?
Welcome to the marriage rut, a “meh” place to be.
Take heart, even the most committed of couples can sometimes feel as if they are stuck in a rut
No matter how infatuated you were with one another at the start of your marriage, it’s inevitable that with time, things change.
And, it’s no one’s fault…
With work, parenting and household responsibilities to fulfill, it’s easy to spend less time face-to-face connecting, and doing things together with your partner.
Luckily, a rut is something you can pull yourselves out of…
And, while you can’t put life and its ‘busy-ness’ on hold, you can, with a little TLC, put the spark back into your marriage.
1. Give each other a clean slate
Sometimes there’s just too much water under the bridge – and you can’t even pinpoint why you’re angry or what you’re fighting about anymore.
Resentment has no place in your relationship.
Remind yourself that you’re on the same team, and take the opportunity to give each other a clean slate and your relationship, a fresh start.
2. Don’t sweat the small stuff
A little grace goes a long way.
So, he didn’t take out the trash or pack the dishwasher…
In the greater scheme of things, is that enough to warrant a grudge? Or, start another fight?
Remind yourself what really counts – and focus on the things you both do right, instead of the (one or two) things you do wrong.
3. Go to bed at the same time
They say that, if your partner is in bed, you should be too.
And, it makes sense.
Whether you reflect on your day, make plans for the weekend, or just engage in ‘nothing special’ pillow-talk – climbing into bed with your partner, allows you to reconnect after having spent the day apart.
4. Put your phone down
At the dinner table, on the couch, in the bed.
It’s tempting, after a long day, to ‘switch off’ mentally and just mindlessly scroll through social media – but, doing so, eats away at the quality time that you could rather spend connecting with your partner.
Time together should be spent face-to-face – not staring at your devices.
5. Forget routine…
… and, add a little spontaneity to your relationship.
Commit to a day with no obligations, to-dos, and if you can, no kids – and go on a little adventure together!
There’s something about sharing new experiences that brings people closer together.
6. The power of touch
The opening scene from Reese Witherspoon’s 2002 movie, Sweet Home Alabama says it perfectly…
Melanie: “Why would you want to marry me, anyhow?”
Jake: “So I can kiss you anytime I want.”
We were made to touch and be touched. And couples should give each other permission to touch at will.
Holding hands, embracing and kissing fosters warmth and togetherness – two things a relationship can always use more of.