Don’t let the French have all the fun!

I was married for 20 years to a French man and lived in the U.S. for over 15 years before I became single again. It was not easy considering going back to dating when my memories of it were from the ’80s, from when I was young and pretty and had conversations in a language I fully mastered.

It took me a lot of courage and a touch of folie to post my first profile on a dating site, and probably even more to go to my first single’s event. But after a couple of good relationships, here is what I’ve learned from the men I met: French women have a “Je ne sais quoi” that makes us attractive.

As more and more women are asking my secret to report only great men in my journey, I thought hard and strong about what makes us “French women” so “attractive” to men.

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Here are my 10 dating secrets on how to flirt like a French woman. They might work for you too even if you don’t have the accent…

1. They smile, even when they’re grumpy

Maybe the Mona Lisa inspired us. Our moms pounded it into our brain since we were little: if you are a girl, it is expected from you to be pretty and smile. Smile when you are happy and still smile when you are sad.

Being grumpy is never attractive and it doesn’t make your life better. Men like a woman who smiles, and you will feel better when you do.

2. They live by the mantra: “Be pretty, feel pretty”

French women take care of their appearance. It’s called French elegance. Going out in the streets of Paris in your PJs and sneakers with no make-up is a big no-no. French women like to look pretty in any circumstances, even to go to the supermarket or to the park with our kids.

It is not about attracting men, but more about feeling proud of our external image as much as our internal one. On top of that, the “you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar” expression does also exist in French.

Being grumpy is never attractive and it doesn’t make your life better

3. Their attitude is always glamorous

Talking about internal appearance, French women are often described as snotty. It is not true. We know who we are. We know our value and what we have to offer in a relationship.

If you don’t want it, it’s your loss. If you want it and we want it too, you are a lucky man. French women are raised to be independent and to use their brain power as much as their beauty.

4. They’re not afraid of men

We are not afraid of men. Boys and girls interact from a very young age with way fewer taboos than in the U.S. If a little girl reports to her teacher that a boy is bothering her, there is a good chance that the teacher will tell her to find a solution or to fight back.

Of course, if there is bullying or totally inappropriate behaviour, an adult will intervene, but only as a last resort. Men, beware, for we have nails and teeth and can kick you down with a piercing glare that is both charming and dangerous.

5. They’re wildly independent

We don’t need someone to make us happy and we need our space too. Look at French moms at the park with their kids: they are chatting while kids play among themselves. It helps us grow this sense of independence and adventure pretty early on.

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6. They’re desperately romantic

French women are desperately romantic. This is a given right coming from being born French. Romantic culture is not only taught but also praised from a very young age. Do we kiss better? I don’t know but we sure enjoy it. What is also certain is that we love to flirt. A wink, a smile and here we go.

7. They’re always sexy, never trashy

We like being sexy. Being sensuous and sexy is not frowned upon as dirty but more praised as a way to express beautiful aesthetics.

Just be careful: sexy yes, trashy never! Don’t reveal too much; you show the appetiser but never give the dessert right away.

8. They have zero expectations

We don’t look for the Prince Charming. Let me take it back: we don’t always. Yes, we love to be in love, and finding the perfect one is on our radar; but we also enjoy friends, friends with benefits, romantic partners, and passionate flings.

The word “dating” doesn’t exist in French. We have acquaintances, friends, and lovers. This “in between game” called dating simply doesn’t exist. If you kiss, you are lovers; if it ends after a couple of kisses, it is not the end of the world and there will be always another one.

9. They’re passionate

Taking about kissing, we are Epicurean. We enjoy our food, drinks, and we enjoy kissing. Don’t tell a French girl to pass on a great dessert, serve her only the best champagne and she will be happy.

Kiss her passionately and she may show you that enjoying intimacy is not an exclusive male privilege. We do too, but only with the right man.

Men like a woman who smiles, and you will feel better when you do

10. They’re not hard to get; they just know their worth

We know what we want. We know our value, but we also know what we are looking for. We want it all: the handsome, smart, successful, romantic guy who will treat us like the queen we are. And do not worry, we will be grateful for who you are.

We will pay attention to being at our best every time we can, we will treat you nicely and make you feel special because you are. If not, you’re out.

One misconception is that the French are unfaithful. We are usually in committed relationships but if you are not on board, or if we don’t believe in the relationship, we will look for the next one.

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Dr. Fabienne Slama (AKA Fab) is the founder of FabYOUlicious, an Emotional Healing Hypnotherapy and  Relationship Coaching service.Ready to find love this year? Schedule your session and let her help you.

This article was first published onYourTango.