My fiancé left me for a younger woman he had been wooing behind my back. How I can move on and put him behind me?
I was devastated when I found out – I saw a picture of him with her online. When I confronted him about it, he said they were a couple and that I should basically get lost. Paralysed by tears and hurt, I didn’t go out for two weeks.
The trouble is I think about him all the time. I keep remembering the moments we spent together and all I do is cry. I miss him terribly and am struggling to cope. Nothing seems to take my mind off him.
How I can move on and put him behind me?
A double whammy of rejection
The first thing to say is that you aren’t alone; this has happened to so many people. And it’s so painful – a double whammy of rejection, because not only did he leave, but he left for another, younger, woman.
Unrequited love is unbearable – we have all been there at some stage. You feel that life itself has been snatched away from you and you will never recover. But you’re wrong. It’s painful, but you will bounce back.
Moving on is hard. It takes time, because, sadly, there is no magic wand. But, when you really struggle with it, the most important thing to do is to think about why you’re stuck. Right now, it might feel like it’s because he is ‘the one’ who got away, but I don’t think it really is that.
If he was the one for you, this wouldn’t have happened
And no matter how much you might long for him now, he lied to you.
If you’re honest with yourself, I’m sure you’d acknowledge that you don’t want someone like that in your life. So I don’t think he is the issue. I wonder if you’re having such a hard time because you’re struggling to come to terms with having made a mistake.
You have to try to stop seeing this as a failure. You were a trusting, honest and loving girlfriend and he was a liar. I think the way you can move on is to forgive yourself. You are utterly blameless in this.
The only way you’ll find the right man is by doing exactly what you were doing – having the courage to fall in love. You should embrace this, because courage is power. You will be a little gun-shy for a while, and that’s fine, but eventually, you’ll be ready to get out there again.
Just because your ex is a liar doesn’t mean other men are
When you do, the key thing is not to make others pay for his mistake. Just because your ex is a liar doesn’t mean other men are.
I’m loathe to use the kind of trite phrases people often trot out at times like this, but one of them is too apt not to mention. You really do have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince because in doing so, you refine your choosing skills. You find out exactly what you don’t want in a husband. Now, you can think back on some of the things your ex did and realise what didn’t work for you.
Remember: we all have to get it wrong in order to get it right
This is time for you, and you alone. Get out there and prove he made the biggest mistake of his life.
This piece was first published on the © Daily Mail
Author: ANA Newswire and A4W Staff