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Step 6: A negative love story

When negativity dominates a couple’s interactions, it puts their entire relationship on trial at all times. Research on the brain tells us that when we recall memories, we alter them with our present experiences. When repairing a relationship, this can bring healing to attachment injuries and help a couple reconnect.

When a couple is disconnected and caught in nasty cycles of fighting, the brain focuses on all the negative moments of a relationship and neglects the good.

With this mindset, partners question every action or comment. Every response is seen in the worst possible light and any benefit of the doubt goes out the window. Partners start believing that their lover is “intentionally” hurting them.

Robinson and Price discovered that when a couple was unhappy, the partners viewed even neutral and sometimes positive interactions as negative. They actually miss 50% of positive moments of connection that outside observers noticed.

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