Creating a good, healthy, working relationship can be a difficult task even when you have all the tools, and it is even tougher when you and your partner aren’t on the same book, never mind the same page

Does this sound familiar? Constant unresolved disagreements, receiving the silent treatment versus actually talking things through, discussions that start out well but end up with one party taking offense, feeling attacked all the time… These things drain any person and are, in fact, entirely unsustainable for any relationship.

When you’re at this point in your relationship, you have one of two choices to make: Cut your losses and get out, or take action to address the issues at hand.

Getting out is all well and good

Getting out is all well and good, and it takes courage and self-respect to do so, but if you don’t actively learn from your past relationships and put tools in place to build healthy ones, you will find yourself in similar situations until you do.

If you’ve had several partners, none of whom have worked out long-term, have you noticed that the same issues keep cropping up? Even if your new partner seemed completely different to anyone you’ve dated before? This comes down to you and your emotional triggers that will keep attracting similar people into your life who press your buttons until you’ve handled the underlying issues.

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Staying, meanwhile, is sometimes not the answer either

Constantly butting heads and changing nothing in either of you but hoping things will still somehow work out is the very definition of insanity.

The key to building better relationships

The key to building better relationships, in my experience, is arming yourself with the knowledge and skills necessary to do so and bringing your significant other along for the journey, if possible. This establishes a common language you both can use to handle any issue that comes up constructively.

In my Building Relationships Workshop, I take participants on a journey of self-discovery, where they learn many different things about relationships. This includes the three traits that are damaging their relationships, what their emotional triggers are and how they can better control them. If you are single, this workshop will also benefit you. You will learn how to understand what goes wrong in your relationships, what your relationship patterns are and what you can do to prevent it from happening again. The aim of the workshop is to provide participants with the emotional, mental and psychological tools to build fabulous relationships that can stand the test of time.

If becoming a better person and partner is important to you, and you want to stop the fighting and start connecting instead, this is a fantastic way to start that journey. I can’t wait to walk the journey to better relationships with you.

Paula Quinsee is a Relationship Expert, Tedx speaker and author of the self-help guide Embracing Conflict. Paula is also a consultant to the TV show ‘Married at First Sight SA’. She works with individuals and organisations to cultivate healthy relationships in both personal and professional arenas by focusing on real skills and personal growth and development.