I think my girlfriend enjoys sex, but she feels guilty afterward that we’re not married, like she is betraying her very conservative upbringing…

My girlfriend has a lot of shame about physical intimacy. I think she enjoys it, but she feels guilty afterward that we’re not married, like she is betraying her very conservative upbringing. I love her and we have talked about getting married. She thinks that will make physical intimacy more enjoyable for her. But I’m not sure.

The idea of spending my life with someone who is unhappy after every time we are intimate makes me feel hopeless.

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A wedding band won’t make negative schemata about sex go away

So, you “think she enjoys it”. Is there pressure – overt or subtle – from you? If the choice was hers alone, do you think your bedroom activity would be the same? Don’t put Marvin Gaye on again before figuring this out with complete honesty.

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Even if it is her choice, caution is wise. A wedding band won’t make negative schemata about sex go away, even if they seem on the surface to be about the lack of said wedding band. The lifelong feelings she’s been carrying probably go much deeper.

But, this issue need not be a deal-breaker

This need not be a deal-breaker, and maybe marriage will lessen the conflicts. But you must be prepared for them to linger, and she must be prepared to do some work if that happens – work there’s actually no reason to wait for, when she could use the help now.

This question and answer was first published on ‘The Washington Post’

Author: ANA Newswire