Agony Aunt Annie offers advice to a reader who has developed feelings for a married man – who wants her AND wants to stay married…

Dear Annie

I met a guy two years ago and at the time I was married. I had a very unhealthy marriage and I have gone through a lot of emotional abuse. I got divorced over a year ago and moved on with my life.

At that time this guy I know was just a friend and he was not married. Over a month ago, after seeing me again, he confessed that he always had feelings for me and he still likes me but he couldn’t make a move then because I was married with kids.

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The problem now is that he married within that time and he is very unhappy in his marriage

He actually told me that if he had the opportunity to relive his life, he would seriously reconsider the marriage thing.

We chat a lot by text messages and he is looking to have a relationship with me, but he wants to keep us a secret. He wants me, but he also wants to stay married.

We chat a lot by text messages and he is looking to have a relationship with me, but he wants to keep us a secret. He wants me, but he also wants to stay married

I have started developing feeling towards him, but I am afraid to get hurt. Is he just trying to use me and get his bread buttered on both sides or does he really think I am the woman for him?

Regards
Nellie

Dear Nellie

Thank you for your letter. It’s wonderful to feel like somebody likes you, thinks about you and wants to be with you. That’s especially great after you have been with someone who has not recognised your worth and not treated you kindly.

You say that you have developed feelings for him, but don’t want to get hurt

Does he think you’re the woman for him? I am very sure that he thinks that you are the right woman for him. Perhaps the real question though is how you are both defining “the woman for him”?

A married man has confessed to having feelings for you

He texts you and you respond warmly and encouragingly enough for him to continue texting him. You boost his ego as he knows that you like him too. He knows that you know he is married. He has told you that he wants to stay married.

Apparently he thinks that telling you he is unhappily married makes him somehow less married. You continue to giggle and flirt.

He likes the way things are. Perhaps he is hoping to take your relationship to a more physical level. If you’re ok with being his bit on the side, as he assumes that you are, then you are the right woman for him.

If you’re ok with being his bit on the side, as he assumes that you are, then you are the right woman for him

I’m quite sure that he would not tolerate his wife having an affair

Equally he was not interested in pursuing you when there was another man on the scene. He likes to have all his women to himself and is not prepared to share with other men.

I would say he is a narcissistic selfish pig, but he has not been dishonest. He has not forced himself on you. He is open and honest about his commitment to his wife and seems to be loving and kind to his potential mattress, oops, typo, I meant mistress. It is women who allow men to be unfaithful to other women!

He is perfectly happy to have his cake and his crumpet on the side. Are you?

You are beautiful!

Love and blessings

Annie