Most of my clients get into hot water because they do not know how to set healthy boundaries. They canâ??t say no, and they allow all kinds of bad behaviour to happen towards them.
The best time to learn boundaries is as a child, and it is difficult for an adult to start learning how to implement boundaries. If thatâ??s you, then I can recommend a great life coach.
The best way for a child to learn boundaries is to have boundaries in their own lives
It works like this, â??You should not do (insert undesired behaviour here) because (insert valid reason here), if you do then this will be the consequence (insert appropriate consequence here)â?. Itâ??s simple, but rarely used.
â??Because I said so,â? is not a valid reason, as being a parent does not give you instant respect.
Punishing a child where there is no appropriate boundary condition simply teaches the child that the world is capricious and will bite for no valid reason at all. An appropriate boundary condition is one that the child understands and is relative to the child.
What motivates your child?
Some children go for the carrot, and others fear the stick. Boundary conditions need to be adjusted accordingly, â??If you behave then this will be your reward,â? will motivate the carrot kid, â??If you misbehave then this will be your punishment,â? will motivate the stick kid.
The trick with boundaries is that you have to maintain them; you shouldnâ??t set a boundary condition and then deal out a different punishment (unless you WANT your child to need a coach when he/she grows up), and if you say you are going to give a certain reward, then give that reward.
A child who understands boundaries is more likely to excel at school, and will find navigating the seas of life a lot easier.